fearfully and wonderfully made

Most pregnancy announcements are met with smiles, hugs, tears of joy and rounds of congratulations.

Not this one.

No, this baby has no one to celebrate it's life, however small and new. This baby is left without protection as it grows within his/her mama's womb. This baby has no one eagerly awaiting it's arrival, carefully planning and preparing the nursery with soft pinks or blues, or dreaming of rocking and singing this little one to sleep.

Instead, this baby is seen as a substantial inconvenience and burden... a nuisance. Instead, this baby has been exposed to such atrocities that it is a miracle that he/she has survived thus far. The chances of this baby making it to it's day of birth alive are slim.

But we are hopeful...

... because we have been asked to be the family that takes care of this little one should he or she make it out alive. What an incredible opportunity God has given us to celebrate this life!! This baby now has someone eagerly awaiting and praying for a safe arrival, a family who will have a nursery prepared and who dreams of holding, rocking and singing him or her to sleep. We cherish this child already, because regardless of what the world says, or the burden he/she has supposedly caused, we know that this baby is fearfully and wonderfully made.

"I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful, I know this full well!"
Psalm 139:14

What an undeserved privilege we have been given!! However, this little one still has a battle to fight. Will you join us in celebrating his/her life as well as praying for safety and protection?

Thank you, and stay tuned!

purpose

At the conclusion of one of Ky's gymnastic meets, as the gymnasts gathered their ribbons and trophies, water bottles and warm up suits, a mom made a statement that broke my heart. Her own little girl did not have a great meet and she was quite disappointed. "I'm just so mad at her!" the mom stated, the frustration in her tone loud and clear. I pictured this sweet girl, probably feeling defeated and dejected already, having not performed to the best of her ability, coming to her mom for comfort. Oh goodness. Instead of the love, hugs and affirmation that she so desperately needed at the moment, she was met by her mom shaking her head and rolling her eyes, the disappointment in her face obvious. I was so very saddened.

In that same moment, however, I was also very grateful... grateful that we, as Christians, have a purpose in this life much greater than our performances or successes. It is a truth that we have been very careful to instill in our little gymnast throughout her competition season. Her worth is tied up not in the scores or how she placed, but in the eyes of her Heavenly Father. She is wonderfully made; He takes delight in her; He has great plans for her life. Whether she walks off the gym floor in victory or defeat, her value does not change. Her purpose in life far exceeds her gymnastic abilities, and she knows this full well. She has had great meets and meets where she has struggled, but she has shown us that she is secure.

We also hope for Ky to remember that her abilities are God given gifts, to be used for His glory. That is the reason she recites Colossians 3:23 before every meet and the reason we use praise songs for her meet videos. In this world, it can be so easy to get caught up in our own hard work and accomplishments, or, as parents, in the accomplishments of our kids. May we not forget that all of this is because of God's great graciousness to us - we have done nothing to deserve His goodness!!

On that note, here is Kylee using her God given abilities at the Wisonsin State Championships. It wasn't her greatest meet, but that is OK by us!! We are so proud of the little girl she is.

Kaden's dinnertime prayer

"Dear God,

Thank you for this lovely food, 'cuz so many people in this world do not have food and I wish that they did. I know I say that every night and it might get kinda annoying, but I'm gonna keep saying it every time until all the people in the world have food, because I really want them to. So, please give them food. Thank you. Amen."

change of plans again...

... and again.

After December 17th was approved by the supervisor of the county department to be the official day of departure of our baby girl, we were emotionally rocked. There were many tears, tummy aches and sleepless nights. Our big girl became more clingy, as she does when she grieves, and the boys declared that their hearts might break. We pleaded with God to keep us focused on Him as we go through the letting go process, and asked Him to strengthen our weakened hearts as we follow His will for this little girl. It was not what we wanted, but it was His plan.

However, after some time had passed, the judge refused to honor the transfer out of state and would not do so until the trial was complete. The "good bye" would still come, but the timing was no longer concrete. It could be a month, maybe two. So, we waited for the court dates to be set, enjoying our baby girl every moment that we were given. Finally, last Friday, we received the notice in the mail.

March.

I couldn't believe it. March?!? Tiny will not be leaving us until March? At first, I rejoiced. More time with her is always a reason to celebrate... but then, I thought about her. We are the family that she knows - her mom, dad, adoring big sis and 2 crazy brothers. She's attached deeply, and will only become more so as time moves on. Regardless of the depth of attachment, the law says birth siblings need to stay together, and at some point, she would still leave us to join her sister. The longer she's with us, the harder the transition will be, I am sure. Our poor, sweet girl.

And then, I thought about them. The family awaiting her arrival, so eager to have her in their arms and call her their own. How devastating this news would be to them.

Because my husband is much less selfish than I, he suggested we give the "other" family a gift. It would be a gift beyond compare, to be remembered always, if only I was willing and able. It would be the gift of time with the baby girl who was to become theirs; her first Christmas with the family that will be hers forever; the Christmas that they had dreamed of having with her in their home, before the plans had changed.

But I couldn't... for awhile at least. I wanted to hold onto her as tightly as I could for as long as I was able. We had been given more time and I wanted to embrace every single moment. I couldn't imagine saying good bye to her, if only for a week.

But my husband's strong and gentle voice convinced me. "I know how much you love her, Tee, but, if we can stop being selfish for just a moment, can you imagine the incredible gift we'd be giving them? She could have real time to bond with them." He looked at me as I closed my eyes and tears spilled down my cheeks. "And," he continued, "it would give us the chance to remember that we are still a family, even without Tiny."

I don't want to be a family without Tiny, but he was right. We will have to be without her, and this would be an opportunity for us to have time together and remember the special gift that God gave us in one another, as well as the task He has laid before us.

So, I agreed to the plan and, after gaining approval from the department, was able to share it with the new family. They are simply ecstatic. Their pure, uninhibited joy has made me feel, for the first time, excitement for them... which, I believe, is exactly what I need to feel if we're ever going to get through this, come March.

how boys play

One afternoon, the boys were quiet for much too long... which usually makes Jim and I a little nervous. They are not quiet boys. So, I set out determined to find them, preparing myself for some sort of mischief.

I discovered them playing quietly in the basement and was surprised by what I found. Never before had the boys found interest in their big sister's "things". Today was different.

I returned to Jim who was curious to know what his boys were up to. "They are playing Barbies." I answered, which left him shocked and confused. "Don't worry," I started, then explained what I had found...

November gym meets