reflections

We're at the great divide, transitioning our little man home.  We have a mere week or two left.  Tears fall easily and frustrations occur often; emotions are running on overload.

There is a strong desire to never let him go, and yet the opposing urge for him to be home with his mom and siblings.  We have felt great aggravation when choices are made that are not the very best for him, yet we know that he is not ours and we really have no say about his future.  We battle through our own emotions as we help him struggle with the transitions back and forth between our home and his mom's - two very different worlds.  We're trying to give him stability and security when, in reality, there is no such thing in his young life right now.  He's just too young to understand.

There is the yearning for this never to end for our sake ... and the urge for it to end soon, for his; such a range of challenging, opposing, and conflicting emotions.

It is during this time of transition that I have reflected much upon our time with our sweet foster son.  His "placement" with us seemed to be a bit more bumpy than others, starting with the unexpected transition to a long term placement, rather than the anticipated short term.  We were suddenly thrust into a county system that we had not worked with before, and it proved to be quite demanding and aggravating on several occasions.    I found myself fighting the system on behalf of our boy more than I've ever had to fight before.  Our own 2 toddlers seemed to not adjust well to our new addition, who also wanted much of our lap time and attention.  The girls demonstrated their feelings quite extravagantly on many occasions.  There were many days I was emotionally worn and weary.

In the midst of those overwhelming moments and as we struggle through letting him go, doubts can start to invade my mind, "Was any of this worth it?"

Well, of course it has been.

There is a little boy who has been loved ever so deeply by so many.  And most notably, he was able to experience the incredibly strong, protective, devoted love of a father for the first time.

Our big kids have been able to practice selfless love - not perfectly,  but repeatedly.

And even these 3 have grown in their care and concern and love for one another.  Yes, there are still those moments, but also moments of love and acceptance and sharing.  Carys has especially taken to him as her buddy, and I'm not quite sure how she'll respond to his imminent departure.

Then there are the opportunities like this, that I happened to walk in on, that mean everything.
Colson: "And that's how much Jesus loves you, J.  One day when you're older, you can choose to commit your life to Him and follow Him.  He will always be with you!"

And precious moments when he is eager and excited to pray.

And beyond those beautiful moments that sprout up in the midst of dry, hard and weary times, there was a beautiful reminder recently that fostering little ones affects more than the kiddos within our own home.

At a recent meeting with all those involved in the case, J's mom burst into tears.  "Thank you.  Thank you so much for teaching my kids about God, because they bring it home with them."  She then explained a situation during a visit when the kids declared, "Mom, we gotta pray!"  They grasped tightly to her hands and she prayed with her children.

It's not easy.  But we are so thankful that God has given us this work to do.  J is worth it.  J's family is worth it.  God is worthy of all.

For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.  Ephesians 2:10

same words, different tune

"And I'll give all myself!  And I'll give all myself to YOOOOOOOUUUUU!"  she belts out boisterously from within the constraints of her car seat in the back of the van.

I adjust my rearview mirror so that I can watch her - arms raised, eyes scrunched tightly closed, head swaying side to side, and singing with all her heart, in full Carys fashion.

As is common, a tidal wave of emotion engulfs me.  My mind wanders back in time...

A phone call.

A baby in need.

A heart that is hesitant and afraid of hurting, but knows the answer is "yes".  

A God who promises His presence and comfort and sustenance.

A love that flourishes and explodes for a tiny, sickly baby girl as she experiences love and provision for the very first time.

A painful knowing that she must leave us, and a constant struggle to accept His will.

Holding, rocking, cuddling and singing, "And I'll give all myself, and I'll give all myself, and I'll give all myself to You.... " over and over and over again, trying to force myself to surrender my heart and my desires for this baby girl to a GOD who loves her more than I.

A GOD who is more mighty and powerful than I could ever imagine.  A God, in His great sovereignty,  whose plan was more wonderful than I could ever dream.

And there she is - now my very own precious daughter, singing the same words that I once sang while preparing to lose her... but in a tune and style all her own.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow.

press on

I sat in the church pew, a filled communion cup clutched in my hand.  Though the morning had been full of wiggles and whispers from my children beside me, at this time they were quiet and still.  I stared at the small cup intently, reflecting on it's purpose.

Bloodshed, suffering, pain.

He so loved, that He gave His life.

I remembered the grotesque descriptions of the suffering He endured and the instruction, "take up your cross and follow Me."

In the moment I remained in quite an emotional state, where tears came easily and there was an ever present aching in my heart.  The shock of the day that B was removed from our home lingered, and her absence was felt deeply.  It hurt and the tears stung.  But, I remembered...

If I am to take up a cross in following Him, then pain and suffering should be expected.  I know this, but it's hard to live it.  While we desire to "pour ourselves out" and "die to self" while following His lead and loving His children, sometimes it's ugly and uncomfortable and messy and painful. And because of that, it's easier to want to walk away and shield our hearts than to press on.  I have struggled with this quite a bit in the past week.

What have we done to our family, our kids, our poor B?

What scars will remain from the trauma, confusion and pain of that day?

What if it were to happen again with sweet, little J?  Could our hearts bear it?


Yet, as I reflected upon Christ's suffering on my behalf, I felt a renewed resolve to persevere.  We have been entrusted with so many who need to be loved passionately.  I don't want to hold back for fear of pain, of loss, of heart ache.  There is so much beauty and purpose to be experienced in walking in obedience and I don't want to miss it, even if it hurts and costs and leads us to frightening places.

So, as we continue our journey into the future, I will reflect on His instructions to "take up my cross and follow" and "lay down my life to find it"... if this is what He asks of me, then I need to be prepared for some pain on the adventure that will bring me, ultimately, face to face with my Savior.

He gave His life for me, I want to live for Him.

We will love, because He loved us first.

We will grow weak and weary, but He will strengthen us.

So, we press on.

His eye is on the sparrow

Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies?

Yet not one of them is forgotten by God.

Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered.

Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

Luke 12:6-7

Only 2 weeks remain with our little B and J and we are feeling it.

At times, I do long for moments again with my little family and look forward to quieter, simpler days, less competition for attention and fewer squabbles with the little ones. There will be less diapers to change, fewer meals to prepare, diminished need for constant supervision, shorter bedtime routines, half the number of buckles to buckle as we jump into and out of the van, and a little less busyness to keep up with.

But mostly, I ache.  

I ache because I know where they are going, the pain they have experienced and the fears that they have.  They have come to love and adore having a "daddy" and they will be without, once again.  They have come to love structure, thrive within boundaries, speak lovingly and use words rather than their hands; they've developed a love to help, a passion for our traditions and routines, an affection for our imperfect family and the way we function with security, stability, mistakes, grace, forgiveness and love.  "Home" will be so different for them, but it is their home.

And I ache because I will miss them.  We have come to know and love one another deeply, in a way that can only develop with time.  We have seen each other at our worst and our best; we've cried, prayed, laughed, argued, tickled, disciplined, and chased.  We've experienced every variety of emotion imaginable together and yet, we tell each other often, "I love you!"  And we do.  

I talk with them often about the upcoming transition and many tears have been shed.  Preparing big hearts is hard; preparing little hearts is harder.  There is confusion, frustration, fears, bed wetting, guilt and longing.  There is bargaining taking place - perfection being attempted to try and "earn" a right to stay, followed often by acting out - hoping to frustrate us and test our love for them, "earning" the right to leave.

It is hard not to worry about the future of these little ones God has allowed me to mother for this time.   I want the best for them.  And, yet, He reminds me that they are not forgotten, they are dearly loved and known by their Maker.  They are His, and HE is so much better at loving and caring for them than I.

So as we prepare for our little ones to go and we battle together through a plethora of emotions, I trust Him.  And I remember that His eye is on the sparrow...

His wonderful work

I think I am starting to get it.

When we say, "We're done!" we have really have no idea.

Or control.

That is, if we follow Christ,

and we do.

For when we lay down our lives for Him,

His plans take over.

His purpose for our lives becomes all that matters.

So we surrender and choose to follow.

He changes our hearts to break for what burdens His.

And we cannot escape it, even if we try.

He reminds us of how short our life on earth is, compared with all eternity.

Perspectives change.

Priorities change.

Desires change.

He moves us to the point of saying, "yes, Lord!" even if it doesn't make sense,

even if it feels uncomfortable and scary,

and especially if it feels impossible.

Because then HIS glory is on display. 

And in our weakness, HE proves himself strong.

His plans are rarely "easy", but they are wonderful.

We know this full well.

joy

I have been given so many reasons to rejoice and praise Him, the giver of all good gifts.
My heart has been blown away by such joyous gifts as of late.

incredible big siblings who take great delight in loving the "little girls"
makes my heart soar

3 big kids who are reading their Bibles daily on their own initiative, eager to know God's Word
How I praise Him for drawing them to Himself

A playful, loving, adoring and involved daddy who graciously and constantly gives of himself for his family
What an undeserved gift he is

Two little girls whose sweet giggles, babbles and interactions with one another melt my heart daily
He knew they needed each other

A gorgeous, uncharacteristically warm winter that allows much outdoor play time
thank you, Lord!!

my longest labor

Our road to adopting our precious Carys was anything but easy. It was a roller coaster ride, for sure, full of upside down loops and sudden turns causing our hearts and heads to reel and spin. But, we made it. After 23 months of labor pains, she was birthed into our family and she took our name. She is forever ours, our beloved Carys Nicole.

On the anniversary of her "Gotcha Day" 2 years ago, I wanted to share her adoption story. Here it goes...

It was a cold February day and I was sledding with my 5 year old twin boys and building snow forts at a nearby park when my cell phone rang. There was a little baby girl, in need of love and care. Her parents cared much about her and wanted the chance to parent her, but they both had deficits that didn't allow them to be safe, nurturing parents. After her birth, this baby girl had endured 2 weeks of neglect that left her little body weak, malnourished, infected and she knew not how to cry. She had been admitted to the hospital for a week where she was nourished physically, but there was so much left to be restored in terms of attachment, security and trust.

I called my husband and our hearts soared with excitement. Just that very day, God had been at work on our hearts, preparing us for this very moment. After our first foster son of 18 months had been returned to his birth family, we felt his loss deeply and were trying to find our way through the grief. We felt for quite some time that we could not foster again, for it was too painful.

But God.

He was not finished with us yet. No, He still had a work to complete in our lives and it required our obedience. He reminded us that following Him is not about keeping ourselves safe and comfortable, but dying to self and loving the weak, lost and unlovable, no matter the cost. He was worth every wound to the heart we would gain in the process. There were no questions to be asked, no matter what the outcome would be, we knew that we needed to say yes to this little girl.

The next day, February 18th, the boys followed me through back hospital halls with security escort as we carried an empty infant carrier up to the 8th floor to retrieve that precious baby girl. The first time I laid eyes upon her, the nurse had walked into the room with Carys resting on her shoulder. "Oh my goodness!" I cried as she was placed in my arms. Tears came quickly as I recalled what this baby girl had already been through. I was overwhelmed with a deep desire to protect her with my life. In that moment, I loved her dearly. As we waited for the Dr. to arrive and give discharge instructions, I changed her out of the hospital gown into the "going home" outfit that we had picked out for her. As I did so, the boys examined this new baby girl. "She's so tiny, Mommy! That's what I'm going to call her - Tiny!" And so it was. The nickname stuck.

Many minutes later, we were out the door - just like that - with our new, precious little one. We scooped up Kylee from gymnastics where she was ecstatic to meet and show off the newest addition. Moments later I walked into Culvers with all 4 kids to meet daddy for dinner. It was there in a corner booth that he first got to lay eyes on the little baby girl that would become his daughter forever. "Oh my, Tee, she's perfect!" He said as he adored her little face and traced her tiny fingers.

For months I kept that sweet "Tiny" girl strapped to me in a sling, mindful to immediately meet her every whimper and teach her that that is what mommy's are supposed to do. Every night, Jim and I would retire to bed and set our alarm to awake us every 3 hours to scoop up and feed that sweet baby girl who went so long without being fed she knew not how to wake herself to eat. Every week we would visit the pediatrician and would all celebrate together as every single little ounce was added to her tiny frame. She was doing everything a baby should and we rejoiced.

One day, during one of the many social worker visits, the news was shared that there was a biological sibling in another state. According to the law, it is considered to be in the best interest of children to be kept with their siblings, so plans were made to eventually move this baby girl to a home and family in another state once the legal process had concluded. There had never been a guarantee that "Tiny" would be ours forever, but we had such a strong, secure bond with her from day one that such news rattled us. To think of having to hand her over to another devastated us. We clung to what God had reminded us of months prior... no matter the cost.

As the months continued to pass, our love grew ever deeper for the little girl that we were given the opportunity to love, cherish, nurture and care for. As any child would, she bonded to us tightly as her mommy, daddy and big siblings. Though there wasn't a thing we wouldn't do to make that a reality, the choice wasn't ours to make. The law was in place for a purpose and there wasn't a thing we could do to change it. So we waited throughout all the court proceedings and loved her as our very own, dreading the day when we would have to give her up.

One summer day, the social worker called to provide me with the name and email of the family who was already in the process of adopting our baby's biological sister - the family who was to receive "our" baby as their forever daughter. "You can write them at any time and start telling them about the baby!" She told me excitedly. If only she knew how it pained me. Suddenly, the good bye felt like much more of a reality.

With tears streaking my face and an ache in the depth of my heart that I cannot describe, I attempted numerous times to formulate an email to send to the family. It was so very hard for me to do. On an emotional and mental level, I was starting to hand over "my" baby and it felt like an impossible task. Eventually, a regular flow of emails were sent back and forth in regards to this precious baby girl. Not once was I able to write an email without tears and pain. Though I desperately wanted to follow my Father's will, doing so was no easy task.

Over the months that passed, there were some visits and many, many emails. With each court date and delay there was a sense of relief that "Tiny" was not yet leaving, but then a sadness because the inevitable was once again delayed. I selfishly wanted more time with her, but for her sake, we knew it was best for such a drastic transition to take place early in her little life rather than later. I think we have lost count of the number of times we tried to prepare to say good bye to our precious girl. There were so many nights that we'd lay in bed sobbing and holding each other, unable to speak, but with hearts united in grief.

The first thought that devastated us was trying to imagine physically handing over our beloved baby girl. It was an impossible task that we didn't have the strength to accomplish on our own. We would need to desperately rely on God's promise that "I can do all things through HIM who gives me strength". That would be the only way.

The other dreaded thought was the idea of our sweetheart awakening one morning with her entire world, as she knew it, gone. No more familiar faces, voices, smells, sounds and sights. The mommy and daddy who scooped her up every morning would no longer be there. The squeals from the big kids would not be greeting her. Everything around her would be new and different. Would she be scared and confused? Would she feel abandoned? Would she ever know how very, very much we longed to hold onto her for all of our lives?

We had an opportunity to "practice" such a situation over Christmas that year. Our family would be flying out to visit extended family over the break and would be so close to her "new family". Because their hopes had been dashed that she would be home with them already, Jim encouraged me to allow them to spend time with her over Christmas, while we would be traveling up and down the west coast visiting all of our family. I was selfish and it took awhile for me to agree, but I eventually caved. The family was so very excited, which did my heart good.

Those 2 weeks of separation were so very difficult as my arms ached for my baby. We were kept quite busy with family and friends, which was a good thing. I was so excited when the time was up and we were reunited. Our family hadn't felt complete without her in it, even though we were just months away from experiencing that as a reality. But, there was still time...

And time, seemingly, played in our favor. The bonds between our growing girl and our family ever strengthened and when we approached the court date at the end of May, the plans for her future started taking a turn. Sixteen months, it turns out, is a long time to live with a family and, we were told, we could hire an attorney and "fight" for our girl. Our hearts soared with such a possibility, but after much deliberation, many prayers and tears, we decided that we could not fight against the other family whom we had come to know and who were anxiously awaiting her arrival in their home. We would trust in the great sovereignty of our Father, and obey whatever path He chose for her, no matter the cost.

The final court date, just days after first hearing of the possibility, was emotionally charged. We knew the law - siblings should remain together. Within the week, she was supposed to be transferred, moved to a state so very far away. But, there we sat, the only mommy and daddy this little girl had known, overflowing with an undying, relentless love for her. The memories of our life with our girl flooded through my mind - how could we ever let her go?

Finally, parental rights were terminated - a sad, but necessary, decision. Then, her best interest needed to be determined. In the next few words, our lives would change forever. We trusted God's plan no matter what, but oh how desperately our hearts longed to never have to let go.

"The courts," the judge began, "are satisfied. It is in her best interest to remain with her foster family and be adopted by them." No longer would our 16 month old sweetheart be sent to another state to begin a new life with a new family... we were, against all odds, given the opportunity to be her family forever...and ever and ever.

There would be no good bye. There would be no "handing over" of our girl. She was staying!! We were astounded, overwhelmed, shocked and astonished... there are just not enough words to describe our response. Never before had we felt more in awe of God's incredible power over any and all earthly power. We thanked Him profusely for this gift we did not deserve. (We also had much contact with the other family and they have been ever so gracious with the outcome. A wonderful relationship has been established and we're committed to having the girls know each other as they grow).

When we shared the news with our kids that night, there was such rejoicing and praise! Hugs, tears, squeals, jumping, fist pumps - we were able to capture it all on camera and will treasure that moment always! Then came the very important question from Colson. "What is her name going to be? She can't be 'Tiny' forever, can she?" Oh my goodness... a name!!!

We always feel it is important to include the kids in such important matters, and they had some opinions!! Because we already had 2 "K" names in the family, my Colson really wanted his new sister to have a "C" name. We brainstormed and read through name lists. There was one name whose meaning stood out above all others... "to love". Oh how we loved this girl. Though I appreciated the other spellings of this name (with much less mispronunciations I'm sure!), this particular spelling held this special meaning. It also happened to begin with the "C" that Colson desired. So, it was decided, Carys she would become (think Paris with a C). Her birth mother's name, Nicole, became her middle name to value the very important role she had in giving this precious child life.

Within a week of hearing her new name used constantly, it became quite familiar to her. We were transferred to an adoption agency, assigned a new social worker and the adoption process began. There was so very much that needed to be done - physicals, references, home studies, back ground checks, finger printing, proof of insurance, mountains of paper work, training classes and very in depth interviews. It was long and tedious, but all very worth it. We did whatever we could to jump through each and every hoop as quickly as possible.

By December of 2011, we were told that we would most likely get a court date at the end of January or early February for the finalization of her adoption. We were blown away when we got a call on December 19th for a court date of December 29th!!!!! To add to the excitement, we would have Jim's family here already visiting and they would be able to be a part of this magnificent day!

When December 29th arrived, there was so much excitement in the air. The baby girl who came to us at 27 days old and who was always supposed to leave us, was becoming ours forever. Jim's family and many precious friends that God has blessed us with here in Wisconsin gathered around and celebrated with us. They filled the court room!! We were so grateful!!

The big kids were excited to have an opportunity to talk in the microphone and introduce themselves (full of giggles, of course) in court. Throughout the hearing, our little girl's name was pronounced "care-eez". When the judge verified the spelling of the name, I corrected the pronunciation and when he declared it again, Carys looked up in response and hollered, ""yes!" He asked her if she had anything to add and she grabbed the mic, and mumbled some incomprehensible statements loudly and with a smile. "I will take that to mean that you are in full agreement with this arrangement," the judge responded kindly. Orders were given with court seals administered, the gavel was brought down and just like that, little Carys Nicole was our forever little girl.

To God be the glory, great things He has done!!

"mine"

I have called you by name, child you are mine.
Isaiah 43:1

I love my daughter with all my heart. But I won't pretend that it's always pretty and perfect. She is the definition of the "strong willed child." At almost 2 years old, she's outspoken, opinionated and will let all the world know if her desires have not been met... immediately. I have to say that in nearly 9 years of being a mommy, this is the first time I've dealt with flailing, tortuous tantrums on the floor, screams that cannot be quieted and fear of going out in public. At times, I have realized how very much I prefer the comfort of our home where correction and time outs can be followed through with predictability and where I can scoop up my screaming toddler (who refuses to be quieted or redirected) and allow her to finish her tantrum in her crib if need be.

Each and every day I have prayed for endurance and patience, but have still find myself often sighing heavily with frustration at the 50th tantrum of the day.

But it has been through this that God has reminded me of His great love for me. He says, "I have redeemed you, I have called you by name. Child, you are Mine!"


It's not when I'm well behaved and serving faithfully and smiling joyfully that He claims me, but in the depth of my selfishness and disgust, unworthy of His love that He says, "you are Mine."

When I'm frustrated and impatient... you are Mine.

When I'm arrogant and proud... you are Mine.

When I'm selfish and snippy.... you are Mine.

When I speak to my husband disrespectfully or raise my voice at my kids... you are Mine.

When I battle insecurity and feel I have nothing to offer... you are Mine.

When I take for granted the price that was paid for my life and salvation... you are Mine.


And when I look at my precious little girl, I want to have the same response. In the midst of her tantrums and screams and demands, when she throws her self onto the ground and wails away, when she screams "no!" and runs off in willful defiance, no matter how many times in a day...

... she is mine.

2011 in review

With the new year having arrived, I see a lot of people choosing a "word of the year". I like the idea, but for me, it is easier to do so after the year is complete and I see how God has worked and moved in the lives of our family. Looking back through 2011, we will remember it as a year of "growth". Growth in numbers, growth in character, growth in faith, growth in leadership, growth in life experiences... we most certainly did some growing in 2011.

We started the year trying to prepare our hearts to say good bye to the beloved little girl that worked her way into each of our hearts after 12 months of living in our home. The idea of "handing her over" was more than we could bear and we shed tears often and tried to help our kids through the grief. It was a time when we were reminded that He is worthy of every sacrifice. We were to live for Him, no matter what the cost. We did our best to pray, "Not our will, but Yours, Lord..." but it was a daily struggle to submit to a plan that would break our hearts.


In the midst of the pain, we were also preparing for a little boy to join our family who was in need of a forever home. We faced some fears in regards to his condition, but God pulled us right through those, reminding us to be strong and courageous and not afraid, for He goes before us and He will be with us. If God placed this child in our care, He would equip us to meet his needs, however severe they might be. The baby nursery started taking on more of a boy look, though it continued to be our foster daughter's room while we awaited her court proceedings to conclude. On the day we learned the baby boy was born, we also learned that his mother had changed her mind and was going to try to parent him. We worked through some discouragement as our hopes and expectations of holding and loving this baby boy did not turn into reality, but we trusted in God's plan. Not until later would we know how God would use the story of this baby boy in the future of our family.

Before we knew it, the court proceedings for our foster daughter came to an end - with an unexpected and surprising ruling! Because of the time she spent in our care and the strong bond that existed, the courts determined that she should remain in our home and be adopted by our family! We had not gained the son that we were expecting, but we gained a daughter, against all odds! She is a gift we did not deserve, but we thank God every day that He chose us for her - our Carys Nicole whom we love passionately. She has grown into quite an opinionated and vivacious toddler who makes sure her voice is heard, as the youngest of 4. She also keeps us laughing and dancing as we go about our days. Her story will always remind us that God's power is above and beyond any earthly power - it is He who controls all things!!



In June, while still adjusting to the incredible news of our new daughter-to-be, we had yet another call for another precious little girl. It was the last thing on our minds at the time, but we could not say "no" to a vulnerable child waiting for a family to come and claim her. She struggled with the same life threatening issues as did the baby boy we had been expecting to join our family earler, and God had already done the work in our hearts to prepare us to say "yes". A part of our family she would become, for however long she would need us. She has brought such immeasurable joy to our home with her sweet cuddles and smiles. We celebrate every precious milestone she reaches all the more, as each one is a miracle in itself. Watching her grow has been such a celebratory journey. She is a priceless treasure, made in an amazing and wonderful way.


The boys grew in their roles as big brothers and took their job as "protectors" to their little sisters quite seriously. They can often be found growing their muscles by doing push ups and sit ups for their big new role. :) They also grew as little sports fans, learning names and numbers of the athletes of all professional sports teams and grew in their basketball, football and baseball skills as they played and practiced each sport throughout the year. No matter the weather, the boys can often be found in the back yard donning Packers or Brewers attire and playing hard!! The boys have also become great little readers and love to practice their new ability on their little sisters. We love it! They also grew into a much more loud and rambunctious stage of boyhood, which we hear is completely normal... but with the 2 of them to play off of one another... let's just say we grew a few more wrinkles and gray hairs this year.





God grew our sweet Ky's character through her first gymnastics injury and set back. We hope that the lessons she learned through her experience will carry her through life as she looks back and remembers that God can be trusted in all things and that His plans and purposes for our lives are greater than anything we could imagine. Though she has found her little brothers to be, at times, a little annoying (can't say we blame her - isn't that how little brothers are supposed to be?!) she has loved having the little girls in our home and loves to care for them and love on them. She is maturing into such a beautiful young lady. Her kindness and tender, gentle and gracious ways leave me wanting to be more like her.


Jim and I were able to do some growing of our own, adjusting to our role as parents of 5 as the biggest! We each also took on new leadership positions in our church. Jim's opportunity to travel to Togo this past summer helped grow him in many wonderful ways, including a reignited passion to lead our family in ways that have eternal value. It can be so challenging to be "in the world, but not of it" and I am so grateful for his leadership of our family.


We also celebrated our first decade of marriage together this year and remembered with tears of joy as well as pain the journey that God has brought us through in those 10 years. Through every challenge and triumph, He has always been there. I absolutely adore the man God gave me for life. One of my most favorite things to do these days is to find his gaze amidst the chaos and noise that frequents our home... and smile. No matter the frustrations of the moment, the clamor that diminishes our ability to hear one another in the same room, the spills and messes that surround us, the exhaustion we feel at the end of nearly every day, we know how very blessed we are. We are so grateful for the love, the life and the family God has trusted us with.

We will remember

We will remember, we will remember
We will remember the works of Your hands
We will stop and give you praise

For great is Thy faithfulness


You’re our creator, our life sustainer
Deliverer, our comfort, our joy
Throughout the ages You’ve been our shelter
Our peace in the midst of the storm

When we walk through life’s darkest valleys
We will look back at all You have done
And we will shout, our God is good
And He is the faithful One

With signs and wonders You’ve shown Your power
With precious blood You showed us Your grace
You’ve been our helper, our liberator
The giver of life with no end


I still remember the day You saved me
The day I heard You call out my name
You said You loved me and would never leave me
And I’ve never been the same

Hallelujah, hallelujah
To the one from whom all blessings flow
Hallelujah, hallelujah
To the one whose glory has been shown

We will remember, we will remember

We will remember the works of Your hands
We will stop and give you praise
For great is Thy faithfulness

- by Tommy Walker