my longest labor

Our road to adopting our precious Carys was anything but easy. It was a roller coaster ride, for sure, full of upside down loops and sudden turns causing our hearts and heads to reel and spin. But, we made it. After 23 months of labor pains, she was birthed into our family and she took our name. She is forever ours, our beloved Carys Nicole.

On the anniversary of her "Gotcha Day" 2 years ago, I wanted to share her adoption story. Here it goes...

It was a cold February day and I was sledding with my 5 year old twin boys and building snow forts at a nearby park when my cell phone rang. There was a little baby girl, in need of love and care. Her parents cared much about her and wanted the chance to parent her, but they both had deficits that didn't allow them to be safe, nurturing parents. After her birth, this baby girl had endured 2 weeks of neglect that left her little body weak, malnourished, infected and she knew not how to cry. She had been admitted to the hospital for a week where she was nourished physically, but there was so much left to be restored in terms of attachment, security and trust.

I called my husband and our hearts soared with excitement. Just that very day, God had been at work on our hearts, preparing us for this very moment. After our first foster son of 18 months had been returned to his birth family, we felt his loss deeply and were trying to find our way through the grief. We felt for quite some time that we could not foster again, for it was too painful.

But God.

He was not finished with us yet. No, He still had a work to complete in our lives and it required our obedience. He reminded us that following Him is not about keeping ourselves safe and comfortable, but dying to self and loving the weak, lost and unlovable, no matter the cost. He was worth every wound to the heart we would gain in the process. There were no questions to be asked, no matter what the outcome would be, we knew that we needed to say yes to this little girl.

The next day, February 18th, the boys followed me through back hospital halls with security escort as we carried an empty infant carrier up to the 8th floor to retrieve that precious baby girl. The first time I laid eyes upon her, the nurse had walked into the room with Carys resting on her shoulder. "Oh my goodness!" I cried as she was placed in my arms. Tears came quickly as I recalled what this baby girl had already been through. I was overwhelmed with a deep desire to protect her with my life. In that moment, I loved her dearly. As we waited for the Dr. to arrive and give discharge instructions, I changed her out of the hospital gown into the "going home" outfit that we had picked out for her. As I did so, the boys examined this new baby girl. "She's so tiny, Mommy! That's what I'm going to call her - Tiny!" And so it was. The nickname stuck.

Many minutes later, we were out the door - just like that - with our new, precious little one. We scooped up Kylee from gymnastics where she was ecstatic to meet and show off the newest addition. Moments later I walked into Culvers with all 4 kids to meet daddy for dinner. It was there in a corner booth that he first got to lay eyes on the little baby girl that would become his daughter forever. "Oh my, Tee, she's perfect!" He said as he adored her little face and traced her tiny fingers.

For months I kept that sweet "Tiny" girl strapped to me in a sling, mindful to immediately meet her every whimper and teach her that that is what mommy's are supposed to do. Every night, Jim and I would retire to bed and set our alarm to awake us every 3 hours to scoop up and feed that sweet baby girl who went so long without being fed she knew not how to wake herself to eat. Every week we would visit the pediatrician and would all celebrate together as every single little ounce was added to her tiny frame. She was doing everything a baby should and we rejoiced.

One day, during one of the many social worker visits, the news was shared that there was a biological sibling in another state. According to the law, it is considered to be in the best interest of children to be kept with their siblings, so plans were made to eventually move this baby girl to a home and family in another state once the legal process had concluded. There had never been a guarantee that "Tiny" would be ours forever, but we had such a strong, secure bond with her from day one that such news rattled us. To think of having to hand her over to another devastated us. We clung to what God had reminded us of months prior... no matter the cost.

As the months continued to pass, our love grew ever deeper for the little girl that we were given the opportunity to love, cherish, nurture and care for. As any child would, she bonded to us tightly as her mommy, daddy and big siblings. Though there wasn't a thing we wouldn't do to make that a reality, the choice wasn't ours to make. The law was in place for a purpose and there wasn't a thing we could do to change it. So we waited throughout all the court proceedings and loved her as our very own, dreading the day when we would have to give her up.

One summer day, the social worker called to provide me with the name and email of the family who was already in the process of adopting our baby's biological sister - the family who was to receive "our" baby as their forever daughter. "You can write them at any time and start telling them about the baby!" She told me excitedly. If only she knew how it pained me. Suddenly, the good bye felt like much more of a reality.

With tears streaking my face and an ache in the depth of my heart that I cannot describe, I attempted numerous times to formulate an email to send to the family. It was so very hard for me to do. On an emotional and mental level, I was starting to hand over "my" baby and it felt like an impossible task. Eventually, a regular flow of emails were sent back and forth in regards to this precious baby girl. Not once was I able to write an email without tears and pain. Though I desperately wanted to follow my Father's will, doing so was no easy task.

Over the months that passed, there were some visits and many, many emails. With each court date and delay there was a sense of relief that "Tiny" was not yet leaving, but then a sadness because the inevitable was once again delayed. I selfishly wanted more time with her, but for her sake, we knew it was best for such a drastic transition to take place early in her little life rather than later. I think we have lost count of the number of times we tried to prepare to say good bye to our precious girl. There were so many nights that we'd lay in bed sobbing and holding each other, unable to speak, but with hearts united in grief.

The first thought that devastated us was trying to imagine physically handing over our beloved baby girl. It was an impossible task that we didn't have the strength to accomplish on our own. We would need to desperately rely on God's promise that "I can do all things through HIM who gives me strength". That would be the only way.

The other dreaded thought was the idea of our sweetheart awakening one morning with her entire world, as she knew it, gone. No more familiar faces, voices, smells, sounds and sights. The mommy and daddy who scooped her up every morning would no longer be there. The squeals from the big kids would not be greeting her. Everything around her would be new and different. Would she be scared and confused? Would she feel abandoned? Would she ever know how very, very much we longed to hold onto her for all of our lives?

We had an opportunity to "practice" such a situation over Christmas that year. Our family would be flying out to visit extended family over the break and would be so close to her "new family". Because their hopes had been dashed that she would be home with them already, Jim encouraged me to allow them to spend time with her over Christmas, while we would be traveling up and down the west coast visiting all of our family. I was selfish and it took awhile for me to agree, but I eventually caved. The family was so very excited, which did my heart good.

Those 2 weeks of separation were so very difficult as my arms ached for my baby. We were kept quite busy with family and friends, which was a good thing. I was so excited when the time was up and we were reunited. Our family hadn't felt complete without her in it, even though we were just months away from experiencing that as a reality. But, there was still time...

And time, seemingly, played in our favor. The bonds between our growing girl and our family ever strengthened and when we approached the court date at the end of May, the plans for her future started taking a turn. Sixteen months, it turns out, is a long time to live with a family and, we were told, we could hire an attorney and "fight" for our girl. Our hearts soared with such a possibility, but after much deliberation, many prayers and tears, we decided that we could not fight against the other family whom we had come to know and who were anxiously awaiting her arrival in their home. We would trust in the great sovereignty of our Father, and obey whatever path He chose for her, no matter the cost.

The final court date, just days after first hearing of the possibility, was emotionally charged. We knew the law - siblings should remain together. Within the week, she was supposed to be transferred, moved to a state so very far away. But, there we sat, the only mommy and daddy this little girl had known, overflowing with an undying, relentless love for her. The memories of our life with our girl flooded through my mind - how could we ever let her go?

Finally, parental rights were terminated - a sad, but necessary, decision. Then, her best interest needed to be determined. In the next few words, our lives would change forever. We trusted God's plan no matter what, but oh how desperately our hearts longed to never have to let go.

"The courts," the judge began, "are satisfied. It is in her best interest to remain with her foster family and be adopted by them." No longer would our 16 month old sweetheart be sent to another state to begin a new life with a new family... we were, against all odds, given the opportunity to be her family forever...and ever and ever.

There would be no good bye. There would be no "handing over" of our girl. She was staying!! We were astounded, overwhelmed, shocked and astonished... there are just not enough words to describe our response. Never before had we felt more in awe of God's incredible power over any and all earthly power. We thanked Him profusely for this gift we did not deserve. (We also had much contact with the other family and they have been ever so gracious with the outcome. A wonderful relationship has been established and we're committed to having the girls know each other as they grow).

When we shared the news with our kids that night, there was such rejoicing and praise! Hugs, tears, squeals, jumping, fist pumps - we were able to capture it all on camera and will treasure that moment always! Then came the very important question from Colson. "What is her name going to be? She can't be 'Tiny' forever, can she?" Oh my goodness... a name!!!

We always feel it is important to include the kids in such important matters, and they had some opinions!! Because we already had 2 "K" names in the family, my Colson really wanted his new sister to have a "C" name. We brainstormed and read through name lists. There was one name whose meaning stood out above all others... "to love". Oh how we loved this girl. Though I appreciated the other spellings of this name (with much less mispronunciations I'm sure!), this particular spelling held this special meaning. It also happened to begin with the "C" that Colson desired. So, it was decided, Carys she would become (think Paris with a C). Her birth mother's name, Nicole, became her middle name to value the very important role she had in giving this precious child life.

Within a week of hearing her new name used constantly, it became quite familiar to her. We were transferred to an adoption agency, assigned a new social worker and the adoption process began. There was so very much that needed to be done - physicals, references, home studies, back ground checks, finger printing, proof of insurance, mountains of paper work, training classes and very in depth interviews. It was long and tedious, but all very worth it. We did whatever we could to jump through each and every hoop as quickly as possible.

By December of 2011, we were told that we would most likely get a court date at the end of January or early February for the finalization of her adoption. We were blown away when we got a call on December 19th for a court date of December 29th!!!!! To add to the excitement, we would have Jim's family here already visiting and they would be able to be a part of this magnificent day!

When December 29th arrived, there was so much excitement in the air. The baby girl who came to us at 27 days old and who was always supposed to leave us, was becoming ours forever. Jim's family and many precious friends that God has blessed us with here in Wisconsin gathered around and celebrated with us. They filled the court room!! We were so grateful!!

The big kids were excited to have an opportunity to talk in the microphone and introduce themselves (full of giggles, of course) in court. Throughout the hearing, our little girl's name was pronounced "care-eez". When the judge verified the spelling of the name, I corrected the pronunciation and when he declared it again, Carys looked up in response and hollered, ""yes!" He asked her if she had anything to add and she grabbed the mic, and mumbled some incomprehensible statements loudly and with a smile. "I will take that to mean that you are in full agreement with this arrangement," the judge responded kindly. Orders were given with court seals administered, the gavel was brought down and just like that, little Carys Nicole was our forever little girl.

To God be the glory, great things He has done!!