I have many moments as a stay at home mom where I feel inadequate, unworthy and ineffective. I know the value God places on training up our children and I wouldn't change being at home with them for the world, but I still have those moments. It usually happens when I hear of old college classmates furthering their education or others continuing their careers and contributing to society. They are respected in this culture of ours, which I don't often feel, though my husband is wonderful at telling me. Those moments of inadequacy can also occur when good behavior fails to result in a particular child after constant correcting and consistent discipline - makes me wonder if anything I've ever said or done has ever gotten through.
Every once in awhile, God blesses me with another kind of "moment", where He reminds me that I'm doing exactly what He wants me to do, and it matters. Last week we were at our monthly Hug-a-tot outing where we visit the residents at a local nursing home. Colson had brought some toy airplanes and went around to play with many of the "grandmas", as my boys affectionately call them. When it was time to go, I asked the boys to say goodbye as I bundled up the baby in his carrier. Kaden was his typical self, stood in the middle of the circle and hollered, "Goodbye everyone! See you next time!" Meanwhile, Colson was making his way around the circle, gently hugging each of the grandmas. "Alright, buddies, let's get going!" I beckoned, while holding their jackets out to them. They came and put their jackets on, but Colson pulled on my sleeve and said, "But Mommy, I haven't hugged all the grandmas yet." The baby was tired and getting crankier by the minute, and my arm was aching as I tried, unsuccessfully, to console him by swinging the heavy carrier. However, I didn't want to inhibit Colson from being all the Creator has made him to be. So I told him to go ahead and finish his goodbyes. Tears pooled in my eyes as I watched him slowly make his way around the circle, connecting his piercing blue eyes with each grandma and hugging them ever so gently. He's certainly not a perfect child, but in that moment I couldn't have been more proud.
When he finished his goodbyes, Colson took my free hand and together we turned around and waved to all the grandmas, sitting in their wheel chairs still formed in a circle. As many grandmas as were able lifted their arms and waved us off, thanking us for coming. There were no cameras flashing, no fashion statements to be made, no fame to be had, but there we were, surrounded by adoring fans and I concluded that it had to feel better than even a walk down the red carpet - a precious, God given moment in which I was reminded that what I'm doing at home with my kids matters.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Thursday, January 15, 2009
A few favorite funnies
As we were flying into CA for Christmas vacation, Kylee and I were discussing how it was Poppy's very last day of work for the rest of his life as he was retiring. Kylee pondered that for a bit, then replied, "Wow, Poppy saved his last day for such a special time when we were coming to visit?"
Also while flying, Colson was coloring a picture to give to Grammy and Poppy. He stated he was done and I looked at a very unfinished project. "Aren't you going to finish it, Cole?" "No, Mom, I'm gonna let Grammy finish it. Remember, Christmas is about giving and sharing, not thinking about ourselves!"
Upon arriving in California, both boys jumped out the car and started running in circles on the lawn screaming with excitement, "GRASS! GRASS! GRASS!" What a novelty for my Wisconsin boys in the middle of winter!
On the second day of vacation, Kaden had the privilege of running errands with his Daddy and Poppy. As they drove, he was blown away by the mountains in the background, "WOW! Those are SO big! Not even Jesus could climb those!!" (For those of you who have never been, Wisconsin is very flat!!)
The boys have been very excited about being 4 and feel very big now. One morning we were getting ready to go to Grammy and Poppy's church and Colson says, "Do I look 4 Mom?" Of course I answered that he most certainly does. "If I stand on my tippy toes will I look 5?"
On another occasion, Cole was telling Grammy all his plans of being a missionary pilot in Africa when he grows up and she said, "Oh, Cole, I love hearing all the plans that go through that little head of yours!" Colson replied, "Oh no, Grammy, my head is not little. I'm 4 now, so I have a big head!"
At Grammy and Poppy's church, I introduced our kids to some of the kids of an acquaintance of ours. One of the boys was 6 years old and Kaden stated, "Well, that kid is old, but he's not as old as my Poppy. NO one is as old as my Poppy!"
As we were walking up to the home of my dear college friend for her son's first birthday, Kylee asked, "Mom, is Mr. Lei (her husband) Chinese?" "Yes, that's right, Kylee. Good memory!" Ky nodded proudly then asked, "So, does he speak Spanish?" (That's another thing about WI, it's not very culturally diverse - in fact Milwaukee is sadly one of the most segregated cities in the US. Once while driving Jim to work through different parts of Milwaukee Kylee asked, "Wow, mom, did we drive all the way to Africa?" Hilarious and sad all at the same time!)
Also while in CA, the boys were trying to figure out why I called Grammy and Poppy "mom" and "dad" when they weren't actually my mom and dad. I tried to explain that when I married Daddy I took his name and became a part of his family. Kaden thought hard, then replied, "but your real name is Mommy, right?" Oh how I love the name Mommy!
As were returning home on the airplane, Colson asked, "Have we been gone long enough for it to be grassy again?" Sorry, bud, a few more months to go.
Also on our trip home we had a lay over in Minneapolis. As we waited, Kaden told me he loved me and gave me several sweet little kisses. "Mom, can we be married now 'cuz we kissed a lot?"
Once at home again, Kaden came upstairs from the basement playroom all decked out in his construction gear. "Mom, I'm gonna fix your couch!" He told me, then ran into the family room to get to work. Shortly after he returned with his plastic measuring tape in hand, "Mom, your couch is 49 big!"
My boys have figured out their seasons, at least the seasons that they know growing up in Wisconsin: "snowy time" and "grassy time".
Also while flying, Colson was coloring a picture to give to Grammy and Poppy. He stated he was done and I looked at a very unfinished project. "Aren't you going to finish it, Cole?" "No, Mom, I'm gonna let Grammy finish it. Remember, Christmas is about giving and sharing, not thinking about ourselves!"
Upon arriving in California, both boys jumped out the car and started running in circles on the lawn screaming with excitement, "GRASS! GRASS! GRASS!" What a novelty for my Wisconsin boys in the middle of winter!
On the second day of vacation, Kaden had the privilege of running errands with his Daddy and Poppy. As they drove, he was blown away by the mountains in the background, "WOW! Those are SO big! Not even Jesus could climb those!!" (For those of you who have never been, Wisconsin is very flat!!)
The boys have been very excited about being 4 and feel very big now. One morning we were getting ready to go to Grammy and Poppy's church and Colson says, "Do I look 4 Mom?" Of course I answered that he most certainly does. "If I stand on my tippy toes will I look 5?"
On another occasion, Cole was telling Grammy all his plans of being a missionary pilot in Africa when he grows up and she said, "Oh, Cole, I love hearing all the plans that go through that little head of yours!" Colson replied, "Oh no, Grammy, my head is not little. I'm 4 now, so I have a big head!"
At Grammy and Poppy's church, I introduced our kids to some of the kids of an acquaintance of ours. One of the boys was 6 years old and Kaden stated, "Well, that kid is old, but he's not as old as my Poppy. NO one is as old as my Poppy!"
As we were walking up to the home of my dear college friend for her son's first birthday, Kylee asked, "Mom, is Mr. Lei (her husband) Chinese?" "Yes, that's right, Kylee. Good memory!" Ky nodded proudly then asked, "So, does he speak Spanish?" (That's another thing about WI, it's not very culturally diverse - in fact Milwaukee is sadly one of the most segregated cities in the US. Once while driving Jim to work through different parts of Milwaukee Kylee asked, "Wow, mom, did we drive all the way to Africa?" Hilarious and sad all at the same time!)
Also while in CA, the boys were trying to figure out why I called Grammy and Poppy "mom" and "dad" when they weren't actually my mom and dad. I tried to explain that when I married Daddy I took his name and became a part of his family. Kaden thought hard, then replied, "but your real name is Mommy, right?" Oh how I love the name Mommy!
As were returning home on the airplane, Colson asked, "Have we been gone long enough for it to be grassy again?" Sorry, bud, a few more months to go.
Also on our trip home we had a lay over in Minneapolis. As we waited, Kaden told me he loved me and gave me several sweet little kisses. "Mom, can we be married now 'cuz we kissed a lot?"
Once at home again, Kaden came upstairs from the basement playroom all decked out in his construction gear. "Mom, I'm gonna fix your couch!" He told me, then ran into the family room to get to work. Shortly after he returned with his plastic measuring tape in hand, "Mom, your couch is 49 big!"
My boys have figured out their seasons, at least the seasons that they know growing up in Wisconsin: "snowy time" and "grassy time".
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Christmas vacation
On the 23rd of December, we boarded a plane, landed in CA and for 2 full weeks, lived a life I barely recognized as my own. First of all, my dear husband and I brought with us just 3 children rather than 4 (oh how we missed "our" baby!!) and they were spoiled and adored and entertained on a constant basis. I was surrounded by friends and family and had ample time to spend with them - loving, laughing and living life. With grandparents who were always willing and seemingly excited to watch my little ones, I had the freedom to come and go as I pleased and was astonished at the feasibility of doing so without several little ones in tow. My husband and I had more alone time together than we've had in 5 years combined!! I was amazed that I actually had moments of uninterrupted thoughts where I could more fully appreciate the many reasons I love, respect and adore the man I married!!! My precious mother and father-in-law love to pour themselves out for us, so I ate amazing food that I didn't prepare, wore clean clothes that I didn't even wash, enjoyed a shopping spree where I didn't spend a dime, and occasionaly got to cruise around in a porsche that, obviously, did not belong to me. I even read a book in it's entirety, sometimes while outside basking in the glory of the sun, while snacking on oranges and lemons picked from the citrus trees outside. Oh, that sounds so nice right now as I sit, once again, in a cold, snow covered land!! Since it would be impossible to tell the many stories of our wonderful trip, I'll just let a few pictures (relatively so, I think between my dad in law and myself we took well over 1000!!) do the job. :O)
The evening of Christmas Eve, about to leave for Uncle Rick's for a family gathering
Christmas story with Uncle Rick
Ky with cousin Meghan
Ky with Aunt Debbie and 2nd cousin Maddie
Christmas morning gift giving with Grammy and Poppy
Late morning Christmas trip to the ER for Kylee. Massive double ear infections. Poor baby!
Later Christmas Day spent time with the family at home then went to another fun filled extended family gathering at Aunt Debbie and Uncle Noel's
Poppy, Jim and the kids got to go to a fun pizza/bowling/playland while the ladies shopped!
At Grammy and Poppy's church at the base of the mountains - beautiful!
Enjoying a train ride at the outdoor mall with friends Madison and Pierce
A visit with Aunt Donna, cousin Jenny and her sweet baby Bella was a special treat! Then we all gathered for dinner with Grandpa Gib and Grandma Rosye.
Grammy and Poppy planned a special trip with the kids to Legoland!! There were far too many photos to choose from - but, needless to say, incredible fun was had by all and wonderful memories were made!!
Jim and I tried very hard to think of things to do while the kids were off with Grammy and Poppy. We went out to lunch and to dinner (incredible!) and got lots of errands ran in between. It was wonderful to have so much alone time together!
We got to spend 2 days up in the mountains with Jim's sister Julie, her husband, David, and boys Gage, Chase and Trent. We had so much fun with them and it was hard for us to leave!!!
The Keegans - Trent, Chase, David, Julie and Gage
They were so hospitable and treated us so very well!
My sweet nephew Trent liked to throw snowballs at me, but reminded me of my Cole when he then had to wipe them off and clean me up. Too cute!
On day 2 at the Keegans, we got to go skiing! Jim's mom had graciously offered to stay with all the kids. It had been 5 years since Jim and I had skied/snowboarded, so I was a little timid at first, but thoroughly enjoyed it by the end of the day. We also realized that our bodies are not quite so young and agile as 5 years ago as one of us (I'll try not to embarrass) came home with a facial abrasion and broken coccyx!
Julie and me
When we returned from the mountains, we were off to the 1st birthday party of Devin Liam Lei. He is the adorable son of my dear friend from college, Edith. We had so much fun!
My sis Sheila and her family (husband, Paul, and son, Nathan) happened to be traveling through So Cal on their way back up to Oregon, so we got to spend a fun evening with them at Jim's parents house. Every moment we get to spend with them is so very special as they will be sent out with New Tribes Missions to Indonesia this summer.
Ky loved playing with Nathan! He is one fun little guy!
When we weren't traveling around, we had a lot of fun spending time at "home" with Grammy and Poppy. There was so much to do - a big blow up bouncy play gym, a spa, a neighborhood park, lemons and oranges to pick, ball games, pillow fights, wrestling, stories to read, and games to play. It was so wonderful to see the love and relationships between my kids and their grandparents grow!!
Coming home was a terribly difficult thing to do. My arms were aching to hold "our" happy baby again (who happened to have his first ear infection in our absence) but still, leaving our Grammy and Poppy whom we love and adore is never easy. Tears were falling freely, especially when Kylee got lost in uncontrollable sobs at the airport curb. Sweet girl. After we walked into the terminal, Kaden turned around and hollered out the door, "Good bye Grammy and Poppy! I love you! Thank you for taking me to Legoland and letting me swim in your pool! I can't wait for you to come to my house and I can show you our Wirth Park pool and..." on and on and on he went, constantly thanking them, telling them good bye and that he loves them. People inside the airport started crying watching him profess his love and gratitude, quite loudly I might add, to his beloved Grammy and Poppy. It was precious!
We are so grateful to have had this time with our family and friends. We are so blessed and so touched by the incredible hospitality and generosity shown to us by so many!! Thank you for such a wonderful trip!!
The evening of Christmas Eve, about to leave for Uncle Rick's for a family gathering
Christmas story with Uncle Rick
Ky with cousin Meghan
Ky with Aunt Debbie and 2nd cousin Maddie
Christmas morning gift giving with Grammy and Poppy
Late morning Christmas trip to the ER for Kylee. Massive double ear infections. Poor baby!
Later Christmas Day spent time with the family at home then went to another fun filled extended family gathering at Aunt Debbie and Uncle Noel's
Poppy, Jim and the kids got to go to a fun pizza/bowling/playland while the ladies shopped!
At Grammy and Poppy's church at the base of the mountains - beautiful!
Enjoying a train ride at the outdoor mall with friends Madison and Pierce
A visit with Aunt Donna, cousin Jenny and her sweet baby Bella was a special treat! Then we all gathered for dinner with Grandpa Gib and Grandma Rosye.
Grammy and Poppy planned a special trip with the kids to Legoland!! There were far too many photos to choose from - but, needless to say, incredible fun was had by all and wonderful memories were made!!
Jim and I tried very hard to think of things to do while the kids were off with Grammy and Poppy. We went out to lunch and to dinner (incredible!) and got lots of errands ran in between. It was wonderful to have so much alone time together!
We got to spend 2 days up in the mountains with Jim's sister Julie, her husband, David, and boys Gage, Chase and Trent. We had so much fun with them and it was hard for us to leave!!!
The Keegans - Trent, Chase, David, Julie and GageThey were so hospitable and treated us so very well!
My sweet nephew Trent liked to throw snowballs at me, but reminded me of my Cole when he then had to wipe them off and clean me up. Too cute!
On day 2 at the Keegans, we got to go skiing! Jim's mom had graciously offered to stay with all the kids. It had been 5 years since Jim and I had skied/snowboarded, so I was a little timid at first, but thoroughly enjoyed it by the end of the day. We also realized that our bodies are not quite so young and agile as 5 years ago as one of us (I'll try not to embarrass) came home with a facial abrasion and broken coccyx!
Julie and me
When we returned from the mountains, we were off to the 1st birthday party of Devin Liam Lei. He is the adorable son of my dear friend from college, Edith. We had so much fun!
My sis Sheila and her family (husband, Paul, and son, Nathan) happened to be traveling through So Cal on their way back up to Oregon, so we got to spend a fun evening with them at Jim's parents house. Every moment we get to spend with them is so very special as they will be sent out with New Tribes Missions to Indonesia this summer.
Ky loved playing with Nathan! He is one fun little guy!
When we weren't traveling around, we had a lot of fun spending time at "home" with Grammy and Poppy. There was so much to do - a big blow up bouncy play gym, a spa, a neighborhood park, lemons and oranges to pick, ball games, pillow fights, wrestling, stories to read, and games to play. It was so wonderful to see the love and relationships between my kids and their grandparents grow!!
Coming home was a terribly difficult thing to do. My arms were aching to hold "our" happy baby again (who happened to have his first ear infection in our absence) but still, leaving our Grammy and Poppy whom we love and adore is never easy. Tears were falling freely, especially when Kylee got lost in uncontrollable sobs at the airport curb. Sweet girl. After we walked into the terminal, Kaden turned around and hollered out the door, "Good bye Grammy and Poppy! I love you! Thank you for taking me to Legoland and letting me swim in your pool! I can't wait for you to come to my house and I can show you our Wirth Park pool and..." on and on and on he went, constantly thanking them, telling them good bye and that he loves them. People inside the airport started crying watching him profess his love and gratitude, quite loudly I might add, to his beloved Grammy and Poppy. It was precious! 
We are so grateful to have had this time with our family and friends. We are so blessed and so touched by the incredible hospitality and generosity shown to us by so many!! Thank you for such a wonderful trip!!
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