a moment that mattered

I have many moments as a stay at home mom where I feel inadequate, unworthy and ineffective. I know the value God places on training up our children and I wouldn't change being at home with them for the world, but I still have those moments. It usually happens when I hear of old college classmates furthering their education or others continuing their careers and contributing to society. They are respected in this culture of ours, which I don't often feel, though my husband is wonderful at telling me. Those moments of inadequacy can also occur when good behavior fails to result in a particular child after constant correcting and consistent discipline - makes me wonder if anything I've ever said or done has ever gotten through.

Every once in awhile, God blesses me with another kind of "moment", where He reminds me that I'm doing exactly what He wants me to do, and it matters. Last week we were at our monthly Hug-a-tot outing where we visit the residents at a local nursing home. Colson had brought some toy airplanes and went around to play with many of the "grandmas", as my boys affectionately call them. When it was time to go, I asked the boys to say goodbye as I bundled up the baby in his carrier. Kaden was his typical self, stood in the middle of the circle and hollered, "Goodbye everyone! See you next time!" Meanwhile, Colson was making his way around the circle, gently hugging each of the grandmas. "Alright, buddies, let's get going!" I beckoned, while holding their jackets out to them. They came and put their jackets on, but Colson pulled on my sleeve and said, "But Mommy, I haven't hugged all the grandmas yet." The baby was tired and getting crankier by the minute, and my arm was aching as I tried, unsuccessfully, to console him by swinging the heavy carrier. However, I didn't want to inhibit Colson from being all the Creator has made him to be. So I told him to go ahead and finish his goodbyes. Tears pooled in my eyes as I watched him slowly make his way around the circle, connecting his piercing blue eyes with each grandma and hugging them ever so gently. He's certainly not a perfect child, but in that moment I couldn't have been more proud.

When he finished his goodbyes, Colson took my free hand and together we turned around and waved to all the grandmas, sitting in their wheel chairs still formed in a circle. As many grandmas as were able lifted their arms and waved us off, thanking us for coming. There were no cameras flashing, no fashion statements to be made, no fame to be had, but there we were, surrounded by adoring fans and I concluded that it had to feel better than even a walk down the red carpet - a precious, God given moment in which I was reminded that what I'm doing at home with my kids matters.