It was a hard decision. Jim had won 2 last minute tickets to the Brewers game and needed someone to go with him. I couldn't secure a babysitter with such short notice, and Ky already had 2 fun, late nights, so it was between the boys. Kaden blurted out, "I think Colson should go. I'll go next time." I wanted him to be the winner of the ticket for such an attitude, but Cole had already raced upstairs to get dressed for the date with his Daddy. He was so excited.
The night went on, and I did my best to make it fun for Ky and Kade at home. However, intermittently throughout the evening, Kaden would feel sad, say he missed his brother, and fight back tears. At bedtime, he cried out with fresh tears, "Mommy! I cannot sleep without my brudder! I just can't do it!" Kylee was sweet enough to sleep in her brother's room so he didn't feel so alone.
Soon after, Colson came home full of exciting stories from his evening out. I listened intently, and then asked him to be very careful when discussing his evening with his brother, as he missed him terribly. "What? He missed me?" Cole asked sincerely.
"Yes, Cole, he cried because he missed you so very much." I responded.
Cole covered his eyes with his hands and stated, "Oh man, that's gonna make me cry." Then, without hesitation, he ran upstairs, climbed onto his sleeping brother's bed, kissed his cheek and whispered, "I love you, Kaden." Then his tears fell and fell and fell.
Jim and I were a bit dumbfounded, but greatly touched and tears stung our own eyes. "What's wrong, big guy?" Jim asked our sobbing Cole.
"It makes me feel so sad that Kaden missed me so much. I missed him too."
The next day they were inseparable. During a picnic at the park, Cole sat down next to Kade and stated, "You know I love you, right Kade?"
"Yah, I know. I love you too." Kade answered.
"When I was at the game with Daddy, I really missed you. Did you know I even cried?" Colson asked.
"Yah, me too. Next time, let's get 3 tickets, alright?" Kade suggested. Problem solved.
I am amazed at the daddy Jim is to the kids. I love the way he plays with them. I love the way he loves them. With the boys, he is goofy, playful and tough, with our girl he is gentle and understanding. There are such sweet relationships blossoming under the roof of our home because of the incredible man that my kids get to call daddy. It makes me fall in love all over again... and again... and again.
But he doesn't stop there. This Father's Day, I was blown away especially by the love he gives to the little ones who enter our home in need of protection. He doesn't have to do it, yet he chooses to love them wholeheartedly, with all the adoration and devotion that children deserve from a daddy. It doesn't matter that they don't share his name or bloodline, nor does it matter that loving them so will cost his heart greatly as they leave us. He commits, he adores, he cherishes. He makes sure that every child in our home knows that they are loved, that they are known and that they are something to celebrate.
Oh, what a joy it is to celebrate this Daddy today.
When thunder and lightning shake the house and brighten the sky, we love watching and listening. We often darken the house, get cozy together by a window and watch as the skies darken and then flash brightly. Truly, Midwest thunderstorms have got to be the best!! Yesterday, after following a severe storm on the news, making sure we were not at risk for tornados, the kids tore outdoors in the storm with rain boots and umbrellas. I love their vivaciousness for life!!
Welcome to the world of foster care!! Are you ready for the ride of your life? This will be exciting, thrilling and full of adventure! You will have opportunities to bring joy, health and life to children who have been hurt - abandoned, abused, neglected, mistreated - and will have the incredible blessing of watching them grow and flourish in your home with your love and care. You will carry the hope that you are helping to improve the lives and futures of these precious ones, as well as teaching your own little dear ones some lessons in loving and serving. In addition, you will have the fulfillment of following God's desire for His people to care for the least of these... the orphans, the fatherless, the weak, poor, broken and defenseless in this world. You will experience His heart for such as these like never before. And while you gaze into the face of one whose circumstance and treatment have grieved God's heart to the core, you will be constantly reminded of where our priorities should be and where our hearts, as believers, need to be. You will never be the same.
BUT...
Be prepared to experience grief and heart break. You will walk into broken homes and lives that will shock and devastate you. You will weep for what these precious ones have been through and then turn around and deliver the one you have been called to love and protect into the arms of one who has harmed them.
Be prepared for unpredictability. The social workers will, with the best of intentions, tell you the plan for the case of each child. But, it will change - many times, in many ways. You will feel agony and frustration as the future of the child you love is in the power of those who do not know, love or care for this child as you do. You will speak out and stand up for justice to be served, but will find that your voice is soft and small and cannot alter the course of the system.
Be prepared for criticism. It seems that many public views are formed based on the horror stories of the foster families that make the newspaper headlines or evening news. There will be several raised eyebrows, strange questions and, the inevitable, "I could never do that - how can you ever give them back?" I'm sure it's well meaning, but it somehow indicates that you must have a heart of stone to be able to love and let go. Oh, but no - not at all!!
You will fall in love and give your heart away. And it is most likely that once you have sacrificed and loved and devoted yourself completely to a little one, they will be removed from your family. You will feel loss as excruciating as death and you will not understand nor will you feel fulfillment. You will be broken and you will doubt if anything you did for the child had eternal value. You will feel very much alone in your grief because, after all, you chose this ministry, right? And shouldn't you expect this would come? Many will not be able to understand the pain you feel.
You will sacrifice. Time with your family, time with friends, time with your spouse, time to have fun or travel - all will be more limited as you love on the ones that have no other family to love on them. You will drive to visits and meetings with the social workers and take special care to maintain relationships between your foster child and his/her family of origin. You will have times of feeling as though it's too much and be tempted to start counting the cost.
You will feel weak and powerless and often exhausted. People might comment that you are so strong, and you will laugh, recounting all your tears and sorrow. You will be humbled and you will hurt. There will be days when you shout out, "I CANNOT DO THIS ANYMORE!" And many will not. Why put yourself through loss and heartache time and time again? Why choose to love when you will be forced to let go?
It will be in this valley that God will remind you.
This is not about you. I have called you to care for the least of these and it will cost you. Please remember, dear child, what I have done for you and what gifts you have been given. Please do not stop using these gifts to do good unto others.
Scripture will remind you.
I John 3:16 "This is how we know what love is: Jesus laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers."
Proverbs 3:27 "Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is within your power to do so."
Matthew 25:40 "I tell you the truth, what ever you have done for the least of these, you have done unto me."
Isaiah 1:17 "Seek justice, rescue the oppressed, defend the orphan."
Psalm 82:3-4 "Defend the cause of the weak and fatherless; maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed. Rescue the weak and needy, deliver them from the hand of the wicked."
James 1:27 "Religion that God accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress."
John 13:34-35 "As I have loved you, so you must love one another. All men will know that you are mine if you love one another."
Romans 12:9-13 "Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil, cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need."
We live in a broken world with so much pain, desperately needing the love of Jesus. You will feel a strong desire to do something, to share God's love with someone, even if only one small child at a time. You will remember that you are needed and that your love does make a difference. So, you will swallow hard and say 'yes', time and time again, trusting God to heal your heart each and every time you love and let go.
It is not often that my husband returns home from the hardware store with tear stained cheeks. So, as he entered our home wiping his eyes I was both confused and quite concerned, imagining what in the world could have happened at the Home Depot.
As he swallowed hard he tried to explain, "Tee, on the way home I heard that song by Steven Curtis Chapman 'Heaven is the face of a little girl' and I just thought of our little Tiny girl and how short our time with her will be and how awful it will be to let her go - I don't know if I can do it!" Tears welled quickly in my own eyes thinking of that terrible good bye that is to come, but also because I was moved by my husband's incredible love and tenderness that he has for this little one. We realized very early on in caring for Tiny that we felt deeply attached to her. Maybe it's because of the circumstances that lead her to our home or the condition in which she arrived, but we have felt extra protective of her, holding on to her ever so tightly.
In the wake of the court ruling that might possibly allow our sweet angel to live in an environment that, in our opinion, would be anything but healthy for her, our emotions and sense of protectiveness have been a bit intensified. The idea of living every moment with her to the fullest and protecting her the best we can in the time that we have her consumes our thoughts daily. The words to this precious song written by SCC after losing his sweet Maria resonated with us, though the forms of our losses are much different.
"May your roots go down deep into the soil of God's marvelous love. And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love really is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is so great you will never fully understand it. Then you will be filled with the fullness of life and power that comes from God." Ephesians 3:17-19
