Why?

I nestled my son's pillows around him in the hospital bed that had just become our temporary home.  I had been his mom for just 5 weeks and we were still learning this dance, but I did know that he loved to be pampered, doted on and adored.  His blood count had tanked, he was dizzy and tired, but I tried to make light of his situation as I flitted about, trying to make him comfortable and maybe even get him to crack a smile.  It worked.

"Mama funny," he muttered in his sweet, broken English.  His smile was soft, and didn't quite reach his eyes as usual, but he was tired.

Soon, many doctors, residents and nurses filled the room, asking questions and assessing my son.  His situation wasn't critical, but concerning.  I answered their questions to the best of my ability, but there was still so much we didn't know about his history.

One doctor looked at me and asked, "Did you know?"

I was a bit stunned, but clarified, "About his thalassemia? Yes, that's actually why we pursued him."

Her brow furrowed a bit as she thought, and then dared to ask me the question, "why?"

It completely caught me off guard.  I wish I had the eloquence in that moment to say what has been running through my head weeks after the question was posed, but looking at my son in the bed and feeling tears start to pool in my eyes, I kept it simple.  "Because he deserves a family."

And he does.  But there's more to it than that.  I've now been asked several times about our motivation for adopting an 11 year old boy, who has many medical needs, so my answer is a bit more prepared.  Why do we do?  Why are we passionate about caring for the orphan?

We are followers of Christ.  He has loved us so much that we are compelled to love others.  It is His heart for the fatherless that drives us to care for the fatherless.  We are so amazed that in spite of our weaknesses and the many times we fail, He will still use us and give us the privilege of being their family, of loving them.  It is only His work in our lives that brings about anything good, for we are far from adequate on our own.

Yes, these children need families.

They need love.

They need medical care unavailable to them elsewhere.

They deserve the chance a full, abundant living.

They need to hear of the love of their Maker and the purposes He has for them.

And we get to be a part of that because we've been loved in such a sacrificial, unconditional, steadfast way.  We have been shown mercy and grace that we are undeserving of.  It's all because of Him.

What a privilege.

2 months home

2 months home. It has been 2 very full months!! There have been so many "firsts" for Toben - school, Christmas, hair spikes, family sleepovers, hospitalizations, snow ball fights, tae kwon do lessons, scooter races, Packer games, hikes... the list could go on and on. How amazing it has been to see his joy and excitement and wonder over the newness of it all.

There has been so much laughter as we learn from each other and grow together. Many a translation faux pas have led to intense laughter to the point of tears. We giggle together at both Chinese and American habits. 

I have been so proud of Toben as he has eagerly embraced his new life, his family, his home. He has jumped right in, without regrets, for better and for worse. He is so proud, and loves everything it means to be part of a family - even chores! :) He is always so excited to practice his English and greet the many friends who know him by name (which he now adamantly insists is Toben and will correct you if you call him Ji You). He has endured so much change and many medical challenges, that we are fighting very hard to combat now, and will continue to battle with him and for him for the rest of his life. How grateful we are that he is home. 

I have been so proud of his siblings, as they have loved and sacrificed and shared and showed incredible tenderness, compassion and patience. 

Of course we have many moments of frustration, irritation, misunderstanding, and exhaustion. Our new son is learning what it means to be part of a family - parents are in charge, we will provide for him and protect him and always, forever love him completely. He is no longer alone and does not have to fend for himself. He has had far too many years without adequate love and attention... and he LOVES attention... and is learning that mom and dad's love is big enough for every one of our kids.  :)

But even on the hardest days, I am grateful. So very grateful. As I look around our dinner table at night, I can't believe God would use us, despite our many weaknesses, to love His kids - kids who came to us with abuse, abandonment, neglect, medical needs, behavioral needs, cognitive delays, drug withdrawals, trauma and loss. What a privilege we don't deserve, what purpose. I am so proud of this beloved conglomeration of little people HE has brought together as a family. We may be messy and, at times, chaotic, but He brings beauty from ashes. God has loved us with an everlasting, sacrificial love, which compels us to love one another well. And on the days we struggle, His grace is sufficient.