The sweetest little sick girl

For the past 3 days Kylee's been battling a bit of a fever. When the medicine is in full affect she is almost herself and we've played over 20 games of Memory in the last 24 hours. But, as the medicine dwindles, her fever jumps up to over 104 and she becomes lethargic and just crashes on the couch. The thing that surprises me is how sweet she continues to be, even when she feels crummy. The first morning of her fever she jumped into bed with me and said, "I love you, Mommy!" I told her that I loved her too, to which she replied, "Mommy, you kinda have stinky breath, but I still love you!" I turned my head away from her, but kept my arms wrapped around her scalding body. "Thanks, Mom, you're the best!"

That same morning we came downstairs and she collapsed on the couch and curled up in a blanket. "Mommy, please don't forget to call Mrs. Pyka and let her know that I won't be able to come to school today, OK?" I couldn't believe that in spite of her sickness she was still making sure that I was following through with responsibilities.

Yesterday, when her medicine was at it's peak, I couldn't keep her out of the kitchen! "I would like to help you, Mommy, what can I do?" I assured her that I didn't need her help, especially when she was sick, and asked that she just relax and rest on the couch. She was persistent, however, and went to find her brothers to "help".

She always has a hard time taking her medicine too, but we've found that when we remind her that cousin Connor needs to take his medicine every day she will agree that having to take it for just a few days isn't so bad. Well, comparing her medicine intake to her cousin's has confused her a bit. Last night as she curled up on the mattress on the floor in our room she asked, "Will my hair fall out too, Mommy?" Understanding where she was coming from after seeing Connor lose his hair during the intense course of his leukemia treatment, I was able to explain to her that he has been really sick and she's just a little sick. It seemed to make sense to her, but every now and again she'll want reassurance that her hair is not falling out.

And, lastly, we've had lots of conversations about trying not to share our germs. When Daddy called yesterday to check on his little princess I gave him an update and then asked Kylee if she would like to talk to him. "Oh no, Mommy, I wouldn't want to get him sick because he is so special to me!" She absolutely adores that man, and I totally understand why!

Sisters

Sheila, Terra, Brandee, Chelsea

I was away at my first women's retreat this weekend and it was a wonderful time!! There was a group of sisters leading the worship and several other mother/daughter and sister/sister sets and I was surprised at my emotional response! I realized just how much I missed my own sisters and how much I would love to do something like this with them! The real kicker for me was when we were having personal reflection time and the pianist played, "How Beautiful" by Twila Paris. It is a song that my older sister and I had choreographed a dance to for a church production, and later both of us had the song in our weddings. Tears fell freely from my eyes as I remembered my sister and the depth of love, commitment and devotion that existed with her. We had almost always shared a room and it killed me when she went away to college. Though I could sometimes be an impish little sister, I looked up to her and secretly wanted to be like her! Now, we are thousands of miles apart, but my love for her and her precious family will never fade!!

My younger sister also came to my thoughts quite frequently as our church made it possible for several missionary women, who were either on furlough or serving state-side, to attend the retreat. Each missionary woman got up front and shared and each one had a heart that seemed to resemble the passionate heart of my little sister, who will be leaving next year with her husband and little boy for Indonesia to be church planters with NTM. As the women shared of some of their experiences on the field, I couldn't help but think of my sister and her family and all that they soon will experience. Now, they are just a few states south of me, but starting next year they will be on the other side of the world. I will miss them so very, very much! I have always loved her heart for the Lord and the times we have together to talk deeply and worship together, as well as have fun and giggle the way girls do.

And I thought a lot about my baby sister as we studied the book of Jude. Though she knows of the Lord and His word, truth and salvation, her choices have lead her far from the victorious life she could know in Him. My heart breaks for her and I can do nothing but pray that she will learn to live, choose to live, an obedient, abundant life in Him and be forever changed!! I love her so much, and know that God loves her even more!! She captures all our moments together on film and has a laugh that cannot be ignored! She also has a precious little son that I will get to meet soon!! I can't wait!

Sisters are such a wonderful gift, and I love mine so very, very much!!

Chelsea, Terra, Sheila, Brandee with Connor

A boy and his baseball glove

Colson has recently reminded me of just how important it is to see each of my kiddos as unique individuals with different strengths, tastes and passions. God has created all 3 of them in such amazing ways, each one so completely different from one another! I have found lately, that relating to my Colson has been a little harder for me to do. He is very temperamental - dramatic and emotional and whiny and being 3 (which was also a hard year for me with Kylee) has only intensified his unpredictable behavior. So, I have been praying that God would allow me to connect at a deep level with my precious son and to be given time to enjoy who he is rather than dealing with his sometimes radical reactions to disappointments.

One day I was strolling down the aisles of Target with my boys, we found 2 small leather baseball gloves on clearance. For just $3 apiece, I couldn't pass them up. I never would have imagined that little glove would be such an answer to prayer. As soon as we got home, Cole was tearing through the bags trying to find his baseball glove. "Mom, will you play catch with me, pleeeeezzz???" He desperately pleaded with me. I looked around the kitchen at all I needed to do for the Ladies Night I was hosting at our home that evening. I felt anxious, but God quickly spoke to my heart and reminded me that I had prayed for such an opportunity, even if it came at the most inopportune time. And in that moment, I was given the peace of mind to completely rearrange my priorities. I looked my son in the eyes with a smile and agreed to play catch. It was wonderful to see his excitement and hear his laughter while playing catch, just he and I.

Cole's passion for his new glove has brought forth many more opportunities to bond with both Daddy and me and it has been so fun! For one example, at dinner tonight Jim was telling each of the kids things he loved about them. Speaking to Colson he said, "I love how curious and inquisitive you are!" Cole scrunched his brow in confusion and said, "What you say, Daddy?" However, Jim didn't hear and continued, "and you are so careful and meticulous!" Again, Cole furrowed his brow and said, "I not hear what you say!" Obviously, he didn't know what the words "inquisitive" and "meticulous" meant. Then, Jim said something that Cole understood! "I love how much you love playing baseball! It's so fun to play catch with you!" At that, Cole's face exploded with joy and he turned to me with a smile saying, "Mommy! Daddy say he loves playing baseball with me!" He quickly finished off his dinner that he had just told me he didn't want to eat saying, "I eat my dinner really fast and then I play baseball with my Daddy!" And he did.

A sweet reunion

We just survived a week without Daddy as he traveled to Florida for a commercial shoot. As usual, I don't enjoy his absence, but we tried extra hard this time around to make it fun for those left behind by delighting in pleasures we don't normally enjoy - donuts for breakfast, dinners out, fun meals at home, sleepovers with friends and extra playdates throughout the week. Somehow, it makes the time go faster. The kids missed Daddy terribly and were constantly wanting to save our "special treats" to share with Daddy on his return. We certainly had a lot of contact with him so that he could sing his "funny songs" to the kids and pray with them at night. Colson said every day, "it's taking too long for my Daddy to come home!" Poor little Cole missed Daddy the most this time and had A LOT of trouble sleeping at night! Needless to say, neither he nor I are well rested at the end of the week! (He also has some sort of stomach pain going on. After a trip to the doctor he's on a non-dairy diet, but it doesn't seem to be helping his frequent middle of the night screams of stomach pain!)

We had a few adventures with broken garage doors, a few snow storms (having to shovel alone was not fun!) and sick kids (it's inevitable that the kids get sick when Daddy's away). But other than that, the kids got along really well with one another which is always a blessing!! I knew that our little family was being prayed for because our time was relatively smooth despite the excitement we experienced. I love knowing that God is working in my life... this week He gave me a sense of patience and strength that I do not possess alone!! It was wonderful welcoming Daddy home!

Ky taking in all of Daddy's attention




Colson just collapsed in his Daddy's arms


The kids wouldn't leave his side


Everyone wants to be with him


The "men" making a fire (Cole and Daddy)


All 3 "men" observing their fine work


Kaden sneaking in some extra hugs

We also had a big surprise for Daddy upon his return! After shoveling all week alone, I realized what a chore it is and decided it was time to purchase a snow blower for my husband! It has been a long time since he's allowed us to spend money on him, so we used Valentines Day as our excuse and the kids were filled with excitement as they helped me set our plan in motion! Kylee was so excited that she called Grammy and Poppy (Jim's mom and dad) to tell them with her reason being, "Daddy always does so much for us and works so hard that we wanted to do something for him! And, it was on sale!" Yes, my little girl knows I am a bargain hunter!!

Yes, we love our Daddy and we're so glad he's home!!!

Saddle up your horses!

Great Adventure by Stephen Curtis Chapman

Started out this morning in the usual way
Chasing thoughts inside my head of all I had to do today
Another time around the circle, try to make it better than the last

I opened up the Bible and I read about me
Said I'd been a prisoner and God's grace had set me free
And somewhere between the pages it hit me like a lightning bolt
I saw a big frontier in front of me and I heard somebody say "let's go"!

CHORUS:
Saddle up your horses we've got a trail to blaze
Through the wild blue yonder of God's amazing grace
Let's follow our leader into the glorious unknown
This is a life like no other - this is The Great Adventure

Come on get ready for the ride of your life
Gonna leave long faced religion in a cloud of dust behind
And discover all the new horizons just waiting to be explored
This is what we were created for

CHORUS

BRIDGE:
We'll travel over, over mountains so high
We'll go through valleys below
Still through it all we'll find that
This is the greatest journey that the human heart will ever see
The love of God will take us far beyond our wildest dreams

Yeah... oh saddle up your horses... come on get ready to ride

The words and music to this old Stephen Curtis Chapman song have been filling our home, hearts and minds lately as we've prepared to become a foster family. The kids love to gallop around the house like horses as they belt out the chorus at the top of their lungs. It seems to be an applicable song for us as we begin our new adventure, into the great unknown of foster parenting. We look so forward to seeing how God works in our lives and transforms our family through the process! Today, after all we've done to be cleared as licensed foster parents, we passed our home inspection and study!! There is nothing for us to do, except wait for them to complete our paperwork on their end and then wait for our license to come in the mail. We are ecstatic! Here's a little bit of our journey:

The boys at the doctor getting "cleared" as foster brothers. And what great big brothers they will be! Yesterday at MOPS Kaden said he didn't want to go in the 3's room, but in the baby room instead. I reminded him he was a big 3 year old and not a baby, to which he replied, "No, Mommy. I want to help with the babies! I can feed them with bottles!"

We now have a total of 8 smoke detectors in our home!! No fires will escape our attention here!

All the safety locks and outlet plugs are now installed! It was the kids job to find all the outlets that needed covering and they loved their job! Now, in public places they point out all the uncovered outlet plugs with great concern.

The boys showing off our escape ladder and fire extinguisher #2

Here is our fire evacuation plan that had to be created and posted. When I told Kaden we needed to do this in order to have babies in the home, he told me it was "too high for the baby to see!"

So, now we're ready to start the new great adventure. The kids are so excited that every time I tell them the social worker is coming they ask if she's bringing a baby. The process is just taking entirely too long for them, though the social worker says we've completed the process in record time. We'll keep you posted!

"I wanna love like Jesus!"

One recent morning, we were sitting at the breakfast table and Kaden announced that he loved Jesus. I reminded him of just how much Jesus loved him too, to which he replied, "Yeah, today I wanna love like Jesus!" He immediately jumped out of his seat and began giving hugs to his sister and she gleefully returned. Throughout the day if Kaden started acting a little less than Christ-like, I would remind him he wanted to love like Jesus today. He would then throw a smile on his face and say, "See my face? I happy like Jesus!"

What to do in a blizzard?

There is no doubt that we are having our share of snow this season!! I think that the snow fall this year has been near record breaking, and it just doesn't seem to be stopping! On Wednesday, the entire city of Milwaukee and surrounding areas were shut down because of up to 2 feet of snow fall and wind gusts - basically a BLIZZARD! School was canceled, work was canceled and you get to hang out at home all day long! Early in the morning before the heavy winds swept through SE Wisconsin, the boys and I ran out to play in the snow and ride up and down the street on sleds. They have really grown to love the snow this season!

Here's Cole enjoying the snow


The snow was too light to be pack-able, so here's our silly snowman's profile. I was quite surprised that Colson grabbed a clump of snow and added it to the top our our snowman's head stating, "Here is the cheese head!" Only a Wisconsin kid!!! :O)


The snow was falling pretty hard and fast so I didn't keep the camera out long. Here's Kaden peering out from his hat and scarf.

When we came inside, the boys played for a bit and Jim attempted to get a little work done from home. Imagine that in the middle of our family room!

Kylee drew this cute picture before going outdoors to play with the neighbor girls, who then came in for a blueberry pancake and hot cocoa lunch and stayed through the afternoon.

I got a bit creative with dinner and decided to go Hawaiian with a toasted almond and coconut chicken over a bed of greens drizzled with pineapple vinaigrette.

Jim and I had to shovel a few times throughout the day to keep the snow from piling up too much. Fortunately, we received sympathy from some of our snow-blowing neighbors who came over to help. Here's what it looked like at the end of the day.

Here's our mailbox the next morning as I'm taking Ky to school

Sweet-N-Silly Sayings

This morning Kylee buried herself in Jim's shirts hanging from the low bar in his closet. "Ky, what are you doing in there?" I asked. "I just like to be in Daddy's shirts because they smell like him and I love my Daddy!"

*****

As Kylee and I talked through the morning, she said, "I don't know what we're going to do with Colson. He screams all the time!" I have been having a particularly difficult time with Colson lately, as he seems to fall apart emotionally at the tiniest thing. He's wearing my patience thin! Always up for fresh ideas on discipline, I asked Kylee what she thought we should do when Cole screams uncontrollably.

"Well, we could find him a new mommy!" She suggested. I disagreed with that one and reminded her that we need to love people even if they're acting difficult to love, just as Christ has done for us. "Maybe we should call SuperNanny, Mom!"

*****

At the breakfast table, Colson thanked Jesus for his breakfast and Kylee immediately went into action, "You know, Cole? Jesus died for our sins and if we ask him into our heart, he'll come any time!" Even if Colson wasn't paying attention, I sure was!! I love hearing my daughter talk about her faith and to watch her grow in her understanding! I asked her if she remembered what happens after we received Christ. She answered, "Yeah, He lives inside us and helps us to be kind and good and loving!"

*****

We made our monthly trip to the nursing home today and I was surprised at Kaden's tenderness towards the elderly. We've been visiting for nearly 3 years now and I've always hoped that the kids would develop a sensitivity and love for the elderly and widowed. Well, today was the day! As soon as we arrived, I was hanging up the kids coats and I turned to see Kaden standing next to an elderly, wheel chair bound woman, holding her hand! He looked up and smiled at her, then continued to stand beside her, his little fingers wrapped around hers. Later the kids made valentines for the residents and as he passed them out, Kaden patted each person's hand and arm, looking into their eyes and smiling. I pray it will continue!

*****

We were playing in the basement playroom on a "fort" that Kaden and Kylee had made under the basketball hoops. Kaden suddenly got up and decided he wanted to shoot hoops instead. "Kaden, you can't do that!" Kylee cried, "you'll hit us with the ball!" Kaden's response cracked me up. "No, Ky Ky, you be OK. God is always with you!" I was glad to hear he was getting part of the lesson we've been teaching him!

Remembering February 7, 2006

This day marks the anniversary of one of the most tragic days (and weeks) in Berglund family history. Two years ago today, my little nephew Connor, then 4, was diagnosed with leukemia and was immediately admitted to Children's Hospital in Portland, Oregon where he began treatment. On that day, it seemed like all time stood still as the family anxiously awaited the news of the type of leukemia he had (which would ultimately determine his prognosis) and Connor started the fight for his life against cancer. Suddenly, the small things in life didn't matter as much as they did just moments before the phone call came with the terrifying news... the phone call that literally made me collapse to my knees and sob uncontrollably as thoughts flooded my mind of the worst case scenario - the possibility of losing this precious boy, my dear sister's firstborn son. One of the most vivid memories that I have of this time (though my family wasn't able to get back to OR until 2 weeks after his diagnosis) is hearing the story of Connor asleep in his hospital bed, with his devoted parents at his bedside. My sister, who is the eldest and was used to being in control of the bunch, realized that no matter what precautions she had taken to protect and care for Connor, this was something that couldn't be prevented. With one arm around her resting son and the other reaching up towards heaven above, she sang, "I surrender all, I surrender all. All to Jesus I surrender, I surrender all." There was nothing more that they could do but place their son in the loving hands of their Father and trust Him completely.

Today, 2 years into his 3 1/2 year treatment, Connor is 6 years old and is in kindergarten, as well as playing Upwards basketball with his dad as his coach. We praise God for the life that He has blessed him with! Looking at the sweet, bright, tenderhearted boy you wouldn't guess that he's a cancer patient. However, he continues to have daily meds, frequent check-ups, blood draws and spinal taps, as well as side effects from the meds he's on. Yet, he always has an upbeat, optimistic attitude and his story has touched and encouraged so many!!

So, what have I learned from this heartbreaking situation my sisters' family has endured? There is so much! First of all, I remember, "These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world." John 16:33. God does not promise us a life without pain or suffering, in fact, He says to expect it in this life. After this pain filled life, if we trust in Him, we will live a suffer-free life with Him for all eternity. He also says that, "We boast in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us." Romans 5:3-5. So, I expect to endure suffering in my time here on earth, and I know that God will use suffering in believers to grow us in our faith and to remind us of our hope in Him, a hope that will never disappoint! Brandee and Travis (my sister and her husband) have been incredible examples of trusting in God and using their struggle to grow their family, their faith and to reach out to others who are also suffering. Such an encouragement!!

And no matter what we go through, we can always remember this:

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases,
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
The Lord is my portion, says my soul,
therefore I will hope in him." Lamentations 3:21-24.

"I am with you always, to the end of time." Matthew 28:20.

God certainly does not abandon us when we are hurting! He is with us always, He loves us without end and He graciously provides new mercies every morning to get us through anything we may endure. What an awesome God we serve.

I could continue for quite awhile on what I've learned through my nephew's leukemia, but I will wrap this up with this. I will never again look at my children the same. I have realized how fragile life is - it is an undeserved blessing that I must celebrate while given the chance. Therefore, no matter how exhausting my days or how frequent the tantrums or how messy the house I try to always remember to be grateful that I have been given life with them!!

To read more about Connor's journey through leukemia or to leave a note of encouragement in his guestbook, visit his website at caringbridge.org/visit/connorratzlaff . It is truly a wonderful testimony of God's greatness and faithfulness as you read through the journal entries!

Moments I don't want to forget

As we have talked extensively with the kids about foster care and the babies we'll be caring for, they are very eager to have one finally in our home! I told them that even though it's hard to wait for a baby to arrive that we can still think of them and pray for them where they're at right now. One day, I walked into my room and found Kylee with her hands folded and head bowed over the cradle, mumbling softly. I let her have some time and when she was finished I asked her what she was doing.

"I was just talking to God about the babies that He's gonna bring us."

*****

One day Kaden woke up and somehow felt like today was going to be the day that our first baby would arrive (we won't be licensed until the end of Feb/early March). At one time I found him collecting all sorts of toys and balls and then watched him carry them all upstairs and dump them in the cradle. When he caught me watching him he stated, "That's for the baby, Mommy!"

Later, he heard a car driving by on the street outside and ran excitedly to the door and opened it (I didn't know he could do that)! "Yeah! The baby's here, the baby's here! They bringing the baby!" he yelled as he looked outside.

*****

The day before our first home visit I was busy cleaning and organizing and child proofing our home. Once I got started, it was hard to stop! The kids started getting hungry for lunch and after a "just one minute" too many from me, Kylee took matters into her own hands. "Mom, can I just make lunch?" she asked with frustration ringing in her tone. "Sure, you can get them started!" I answered. Well, just moments later I went into the kitchen and Kylee had quite the lunch spread going on. She was serving up the boys plates while telling them, "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit!" But the boys were happy enough with their all-carb lunch that they had no need to complain!

*****

Kylee was having a hard day showing respect and was sent upstairs to have a little quiet time. Ten minutes later I went up to talk to her and found her with her Bible opened to the picture of Jesus dying on the cross and singing , "Jesus died for all the children, died for all the children of the world!" in a compassionate, sorrowful voice. Tears filled my eyes and I sat on her bed beside her as she wiped the page with a blanket. "Mommy, I am trying to wipe away all His owies, but I can't make them go away!"