Remembering February 7, 2006

This day marks the anniversary of one of the most tragic days (and weeks) in Berglund family history. Two years ago today, my little nephew Connor, then 4, was diagnosed with leukemia and was immediately admitted to Children's Hospital in Portland, Oregon where he began treatment. On that day, it seemed like all time stood still as the family anxiously awaited the news of the type of leukemia he had (which would ultimately determine his prognosis) and Connor started the fight for his life against cancer. Suddenly, the small things in life didn't matter as much as they did just moments before the phone call came with the terrifying news... the phone call that literally made me collapse to my knees and sob uncontrollably as thoughts flooded my mind of the worst case scenario - the possibility of losing this precious boy, my dear sister's firstborn son. One of the most vivid memories that I have of this time (though my family wasn't able to get back to OR until 2 weeks after his diagnosis) is hearing the story of Connor asleep in his hospital bed, with his devoted parents at his bedside. My sister, who is the eldest and was used to being in control of the bunch, realized that no matter what precautions she had taken to protect and care for Connor, this was something that couldn't be prevented. With one arm around her resting son and the other reaching up towards heaven above, she sang, "I surrender all, I surrender all. All to Jesus I surrender, I surrender all." There was nothing more that they could do but place their son in the loving hands of their Father and trust Him completely.

Today, 2 years into his 3 1/2 year treatment, Connor is 6 years old and is in kindergarten, as well as playing Upwards basketball with his dad as his coach. We praise God for the life that He has blessed him with! Looking at the sweet, bright, tenderhearted boy you wouldn't guess that he's a cancer patient. However, he continues to have daily meds, frequent check-ups, blood draws and spinal taps, as well as side effects from the meds he's on. Yet, he always has an upbeat, optimistic attitude and his story has touched and encouraged so many!!

So, what have I learned from this heartbreaking situation my sisters' family has endured? There is so much! First of all, I remember, "These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world." John 16:33. God does not promise us a life without pain or suffering, in fact, He says to expect it in this life. After this pain filled life, if we trust in Him, we will live a suffer-free life with Him for all eternity. He also says that, "We boast in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us." Romans 5:3-5. So, I expect to endure suffering in my time here on earth, and I know that God will use suffering in believers to grow us in our faith and to remind us of our hope in Him, a hope that will never disappoint! Brandee and Travis (my sister and her husband) have been incredible examples of trusting in God and using their struggle to grow their family, their faith and to reach out to others who are also suffering. Such an encouragement!!

And no matter what we go through, we can always remember this:

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases,
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
The Lord is my portion, says my soul,
therefore I will hope in him." Lamentations 3:21-24.

"I am with you always, to the end of time." Matthew 28:20.

God certainly does not abandon us when we are hurting! He is with us always, He loves us without end and He graciously provides new mercies every morning to get us through anything we may endure. What an awesome God we serve.

I could continue for quite awhile on what I've learned through my nephew's leukemia, but I will wrap this up with this. I will never again look at my children the same. I have realized how fragile life is - it is an undeserved blessing that I must celebrate while given the chance. Therefore, no matter how exhausting my days or how frequent the tantrums or how messy the house I try to always remember to be grateful that I have been given life with them!!

To read more about Connor's journey through leukemia or to leave a note of encouragement in his guestbook, visit his website at caringbridge.org/visit/connorratzlaff . It is truly a wonderful testimony of God's greatness and faithfulness as you read through the journal entries!