His eye is on the sparrow

Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies?

Yet not one of them is forgotten by God.

Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered.

Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

Luke 12:6-7

Only 2 weeks remain with our little B and J and we are feeling it.

At times, I do long for moments again with my little family and look forward to quieter, simpler days, less competition for attention and fewer squabbles with the little ones. There will be less diapers to change, fewer meals to prepare, diminished need for constant supervision, shorter bedtime routines, half the number of buckles to buckle as we jump into and out of the van, and a little less busyness to keep up with.

But mostly, I ache.  

I ache because I know where they are going, the pain they have experienced and the fears that they have.  They have come to love and adore having a "daddy" and they will be without, once again.  They have come to love structure, thrive within boundaries, speak lovingly and use words rather than their hands; they've developed a love to help, a passion for our traditions and routines, an affection for our imperfect family and the way we function with security, stability, mistakes, grace, forgiveness and love.  "Home" will be so different for them, but it is their home.

And I ache because I will miss them.  We have come to know and love one another deeply, in a way that can only develop with time.  We have seen each other at our worst and our best; we've cried, prayed, laughed, argued, tickled, disciplined, and chased.  We've experienced every variety of emotion imaginable together and yet, we tell each other often, "I love you!"  And we do.  

I talk with them often about the upcoming transition and many tears have been shed.  Preparing big hearts is hard; preparing little hearts is harder.  There is confusion, frustration, fears, bed wetting, guilt and longing.  There is bargaining taking place - perfection being attempted to try and "earn" a right to stay, followed often by acting out - hoping to frustrate us and test our love for them, "earning" the right to leave.

It is hard not to worry about the future of these little ones God has allowed me to mother for this time.   I want the best for them.  And, yet, He reminds me that they are not forgotten, they are dearly loved and known by their Maker.  They are His, and HE is so much better at loving and caring for them than I.

So as we prepare for our little ones to go and we battle together through a plethora of emotions, I trust Him.  And I remember that His eye is on the sparrow...