please excuse the tears

If you happen to see me out and about, please don't be surprised if tears surface at unexpected and seemingly irrational moments.

I'm in the process of letting go of a little boy I love.

I went in to retrieve the little boy from his bed the other morning and called out his name.  He shot up and stated with a big grin, "I'm right here!  Did you miss me?"  I held him tight for a full 10 minutes.  It didn't matter that we had somewhere to go.

I dropped him off at a visit with his mom and as we were driving there, I talked to him about all the fun he was going to have.

"Ms. Terra?"

"Yes, sweetie?"

"I gonna miss you."

I hid my tears behind my sunglasses.  Oh goodness, buddy, I'm gonna miss you too.  More than you'll ever know.

This is the reason people say, "I don't know how you do it!"  Because you love and, likely, have to let go.  This little boy becomes a part of the family, the routines, the joy, the laughter, the chaos.  We all become accustomed to the imperfect and yet precious family unit, with him fully included.  And then, he is gone.

We trust that God is faithful to us at all times.  We know that He has allowed us to join Him in loving His children and we are grateful for this ministry.  Even through these times we know He is worthy of every bit of pain or sacrifice we endure for His purposes.  And we praise Him for this opportunity to love this little boy, to love his family.

And still, knowing and believing all that, raw emotions may surface at unexpected and seemingly irrational moments.  So please excuse the tears.

Letting go is so very hard to do.