to one small person

Today was a momentous day. As I walked the halls of church with a (nearly) 14 month old toddler holding my hand and Kylee holding his other, several people remembered that it was a year ago tonight (at the AWANA awards ceremony) when I surprised everyone by showing up with a sweet, bushy haired, 8 week old infant in my arms. Unbelievable.

As I was getting him ready for bed tonight, he was in a giggly, ticklish mood and I enjoyed hearing his roaring laughter as I reflected upon our year with him. Exciting, challenging, surprising - just a few of the many words to describe the adventure we've been on since he entered our lives.

The wonderful parts are the most obvious, the things that I looked forward to when we first started the process to become a foster family. We have been able to watch this sweet thing grow from an infant, to a walking, talking, signing toddler who loves animals, balls, singing and dancing. We've had the opportunity to care for his needs, love him to pieces, teach him new things, tickle his sides, blow on his belly, and watch him accomplish all those precious "firsts". The kids have embraced him as a baby brother and adore him - especially Kylee, who acts just like a little momma. She's always been the nurturing type.

The more challenging pieces of foster care I've only learned through experience. In the system, nothing is predictable. We have been told that he'll be with us for a short time, asked if we'd consider adopting him, then made many attempts to reunite this baby boy with his mom and dad. It's heart wrenching. I didn't expect that I'd run him to the county offices up to 7 times a week for visits, court, meetings and appointments and keep tedious journals and notes to communicate with social workers and his family. I couldn't have envisioned sitting in the impassioned, emotional and loud meetings that take place with all involved parties on our baby's case - parents, foster parents, social workers, attorneys, supervisors, etc. I didn't realize that baby's visits would interfere so often with my boys nap times or outings with their mommy, or the guilt I would feel when I thought they might be sacrificing "too much". I didn't expect rushing out to "the county", only to learn that visits had been canceled, or driving baby to visits with a flat tire (I was asked to put on a spare and bring the baby in), or with a sick child in the back seat (Ky vomited 3 times on one drive into the county offices). There have been days that were exhausting, overwhelming and full of tears. There have been moments when I wondered if it could possibly be too much for our family. We have been far from perfect.

But, "He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it" (Philippians 1:6). My God is faithful. On the days that I considered giving up, He appeared. It might be in the form of an email from my sister, full of bible verses reminding me of His heart for orphaned and displaced children; or an encouraging phone call from my Dad; the kindness of a friend, offering to watch all 4 kids, just because; or the tender touch of the baby's hand upon my cheek as he looks deep into my eyes, convincing me that he needs me.

We absolutely love him. No matter what challenges still lie ahead, we are committed to him until he goes "home". There's no doubt that will be a hard day, but we know also, that loving others is often costly and full of sacrifice but completely worth it in the end.

"To the world, you may be just one small person. But to one small person, you may be the world."
anonymous quote posted outside the county office on a day I needed it!