on the verge of the valley (we think)

This is a strange place to be.

On one had, we are standing on the verge of one of the deepest, darkest valleys that we've been asked to travel in our lives - letting go of a child that has been our daughter for the first 14 months of her little life. The thought seems unbearable... how on earth will we ever be able to release this precious child from our arms? Will she feel abandoned when the only life and family she has ever known is suddenly gone? What is our life supposed to look like without her in it? It is a life that feels impossible to imagine. But, yet, that life may just be one month away.

On the other hand, there is always the chance that there will be yet another stall in court, or that the ruling will not be what it's "supposed" to be, which would catapult us back into that world of "wait and see". We just won't know until it happens.

As adults, it's a hard line to walk and mournful emotions overcome us often. However, where it is especially challenging is in preparing our dear ones little hearts for such a good bye. If it does happen as "it's supposed to", well... a month is just not much time to prepare our children for a change that will absolutely rock their whole world. Their "baby sister", whom they love with all their hearts, will be gone.

Today was the day that I decided to sit down and talk to them, as another month will easily be gone before we know it. I told them there would be another court date at the end of the month and one of two things would be decided - more time of waiting and unknowns, or a quick good bye to our baby girl.

There were tears - lots of them. Kaden blurted out, "But, Mom, she loves us!!!" And with my own face soaked to the bone, I did my best to remind them of the laws to keep siblings together. "Well, why do we have to be the ones to give our baby up? Why doesn't the other family have to give their sister up and she can come and live with us?" Oh my sweet boy - how I, too, have tried so desperately to find another way for this to end. We talked of God's sovereignty, His will and how we can trust in His love and comfort towards us as we walk through this valley. We held each other tightly, grieving, and listened to worship music that reminded us of such truths. It is all that we have to cling to... as well as all that we should cling to.

So, these days, our moments with her are so very precious and we don't take a single one for granted. We play hard and we laugh hard. And, yet, there are many moments when we cry hard too. If you feel so inclined, we'd love to ask for prayer as we walk through the days and the valley ahead. Thank you.

"The Lord will guide you always.
He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well watered garden,
like a spring that never fails."
Isaiah 58:11