change

Change is announcing itself loud and clear all around. There are beautiful, bright leaves in the branches high above, the days are growing cooler and shorter, and my home is unusually still and quiet between the hours of 8:30am and 4pm. Normally, I can't wait for fall to arrive and I eagerly embrace all there is to enjoy!! We have already relished in pumpkins and apples, candy corn and caramel corn, walks in the wind, rain and crunchy leaves, trips to the pumpkin patch and endless baking. Cinnamon candles have been burning and the tea kettle has been whistling away.

However, I have sensed a new and unfamiliar emotion settling in as I notice the signs of change around me... sadness. Because of our good bye to our boy last October 10th, these autumn days have reminded me of him. Oh, how we miss him. With the upcoming anniversary of his departure, I've been reflecting on our time with him, as well as reliving some of those emotions of relinquishing him home. We lived a lot of life between this:

And this:

In addition, at the end of these gorgeous fall days, we are preparing for yet another torturous goodbye to a sweet, little treasure that we couldn't possibly love any more than we do.



She has settled herself quite nicely into our lives and uprooting her will be devastating for all. We know that such transitions are to be expected in the world of foster care, but "knowing" doesn't remove the desperate pain of loss we will experience in saying good bye to our little girl. We won't allow the heartbreak to keep us from caring for these little ones as God has equipped us to do, but we will allow ourselves time to grieve and to heal.

And, of course, there's this big "change" that I'm still trying to adjust to - all my kids in school. I suppose I'm getting used to our routine, but I cannot seem to accept the fact that the years of my kids being home full time are over. I miss our times together ever so much. So, what do I do? I show up at school just about as often as I can - for lunch, for recess, as a room parent, to volunteer, to drop off forgotten lunches or library books, etc. I just can't stay away! The teachers know me quite well already, and so far, I don't seem to be bothering them too much. :O) We shall see...

Although all this change has made me feel a bit heartsick this fall, I also have opportunities to grow through all these changes. I am able to abide in the One who loves me and comforts me, as well as reflect upon His will and purposes for this new season in my life.

There is a time for everything...
a season for every activity under heaven...
a time to plant and a time to uproot...
a time to tear down and a time to build...
a time to weep and a time to laugh...
a time to mourn and a time to dance...
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them...
a time to embrace and a time to refrain...
a time to search and a time to give up...
a time to keep and a time to throw away...
a time to tear and a time to mend...
a time to be silent and a time to speak...

Ecclesiastes 3:1-7