During a weekend walk to the park, Kaden ran up to me with his hands behind his back and said excitedly, "Mommy, I have a surprise for you!" He then pulled out this half bug-eaten leaf and presented it to me as though it were the most beautiful rose. I said thank you and hugged him before he ran off to find new treasures. As I placed the leaf atop the baby stroller I gazed at it thoughtfully. 'Is this what he thinks of me as his mom?' I dared to ask myself. I continued to describe the leaf with as many words as I could think of, 'worn, rugged, imperfect, full of voids, damaged, eroded, haggard, impaired, spent, weak, blemished.' Well, if that was what my little boy was thinking when he picked the leaf for me, then I would have to say he would be right on...especially after the past week. It had been a rough week with Kaden having multiple melt down issues and my patience had worn much too thin on numerous occasions. My many imperfections came forward, rearing their ugly head, and my mothering, I am sure, probably did not look much different than this down trodden leaf.
Now, even though I know my Kaden was not thinking such things as he picked the surprise for me (kids are so forgiving!!) it remains a visual reminder to me of the kind of worn out, rugged Mommy I don't want to be for my kids. Thankfully, God's grace is sufficient! He continues to not only encourage and comfort me, but to give me the strength needed when I'm about to have a melt down of my own.
Now, even though I know my Kaden was not thinking such things as he picked the surprise for me (kids are so forgiving!!) it remains a visual reminder to me of the kind of worn out, rugged Mommy I don't want to be for my kids. Thankfully, God's grace is sufficient! He continues to not only encourage and comfort me, but to give me the strength needed when I'm about to have a melt down of my own.
1 comment:
Hi Terra, it's Tawnya from Oregon. as in Terry & Tawnya.
I haven't commented before as I haven't felt worthy. I'm reaching out today from your post thinking "how could these children ever have a more wonderful mother" and still feeling very inept. Your metafors in your writing really are amazing. something along the lines of what i would think. wow. I've been reading your blog for quite some time now and find you to be so genuine and loving. Your gift for writing exactly what you're feeling and experiencing is really great to watch. I've learned so much from your writings and your faith in God. Your entry about the baby gospels really sang to me. I'm new in this stuff and I felt welcomed when you wrote that. Thank you for being honest and being you. I do remember those feelings of being overwhelmed with "ok, what do i do now with this child" and please know that whatever you do will be just fine. children don't need perfection, they need consistancy, and you're doing just fine in my book. Keep doing what you're doing and loving everyone as only you can. My heart sings with you. feel free to e-mail me if you wish. tawnya@pioneermtg.com
love Tawnya
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