Let me hold you longer....

My wonderful mother-in-law just gave me this precious book by Karen Kingsbury. "Let Me Hold You Longer" is a children's book that talks about savoring the "lasts" in your child's life as well as the firsts that are so often celebrated. It is a tear jerker for any mommy and though I'm sometimes overwhelmed in the task of meeting all the needs of all my children, it reminded me to savor the moments as they pass so quickly - the last time they jump into your arms and tell you they love you, the last time you tuck them into bed, the last time you kissed their owies or held your toddlers' hand as you walked down the street. Oh, it's so precious. I have so infrequently journaled about life as a young mom and hope that this blog will help me change that. But, I did keep a few emails I had written to friends and family in the past and enjoyed reminiscing about the stages in my childrens lives (both good and bad) that I thought at that time would last forever. I decided to post a couple here as I remember the not so long ago past...

To my Dad, August 2005

It is rather strange how suddenly you can forget yourself when you have children - their acceptance by others, love from others, protection from evil and meeting their basic needs instantly matters so much more to me than having it myself. And I want more than anything for them to know and love and obey Jesus as they grow. I can get very emotional about it when I think (or write) about this subject. There's nothing more I want for them in the world. You won't believe how much your little Kylee talks, nor how big those grandsons of yours are. I went out today to try and find sales in order to outfit them for the fall. I am having to buy 12-18 mo. pants for them and 18mo. tops already!! It shocked me, but I tried the clothes on the boys before I bought them just to make sure. Anyway, not so many tantrums from Ky lately. Instead, I have noticed rather than defiance and sassiness to correction, she turns around, hides and sticks her little lip out as though she's been hurt and wounded. It's sad to see such an overly sensitive side come out (hmmm.. wonder where she gets that from?), but a relief as well after such angry, mean and aggressive behavior from her. It's a lot easier to remedy too. Hugs, reassurance, "I love you"s and simple explanations of what she did wrong are a lot easier than time outs and spankings. And it ends in the same response too - an "I'm sorry" and a great hug. Then she goes on playing. And I feel like a much better mom too when I'm not angry and frustrated with her most of the day long. She still likes to wear her "fire" shirt to bed, but she has to wear it backwards so that she can see the fire picture. She tells me, "This from Papa. He got owie here at fire!" She is still traumatized from the picture Jan sent of you with the scratches on your arms! :) Jim's consultation for vasectomy was today. The official date is set. The Dr. warned Jim of the permanency of the procedure and that it is very likely that after this hectic stage of life we may want more kids. Jim told him we weren't doing this out of exasperation but that we were truly happy with our family as it is and are excited to have the "baby phase" over so we can watch the kids grow, learn and develop into the people and eventually adults (ahhh!) that God created them to be. I think because of who God made me I'll always have a side of me that will miss having babies, but I'm eager for all the fun stages to follow too. I will just get my baby fixes from other peoples babies! :) That way I won't have to be up all night for the next 18 mo! :)


To family, July 2006

It feels like life has been so busy! The boys are so active now
and love to be on the go. It has been fun for me (especially
growing up with all girls) to watch to watch my boys develop their
boyish natures. They love trucks, airplanes, trains, balls,
sports, dinosaurs, noise, jumping and making messes. They love
music and dancing, seeing animals at the zoo, swinging, sliding and
swimming at the park and going on walks. They are talking much
more now and it has been fun to communicate with them. Discipline
has been interesting with two and I have frequently found that if
one has to do "time out" the other will join him whether he needs
to or not. Kaden is a bit more fiesty and can be very playful and
silly - he also has an easier time giving hugs and making up after
a fight. Colson can be a bit more dramatic, but has a sweet,
tender heart and is the most likely to share or show compassion.
They both still allow me to hold and cuddle with them, much to my
satisfaction. :) Their favorite moments of the day are meal times
and daddy coming home from work. I don't think I'll ever tire of
the parade of little feet trotting towards the door, or the joyful
shouts of "Daddy! Daddy!" whenever Jim arrives home.
Kylee has a fun mix of "girly-girl" and "tom-boy" in her so we feel
we get the best of both worlds. She is really into princesses,
dressing up, shopping and mothering her brothers and baby dolls.
She likes to have her nails painted, her hair done, and tries to
dress like mommy. She shows so much concern for those around her
who are hurt or scared. However, she is always up for an adventure
and loves to be outdoors rain or shine (or severe thunderstorms for
that matter). And she certainly has no problem getting covered in
dirt or sand. Recently at the "beach" (Lake MI) she was spearing
dead fish and shouting, "Look! I caught a fish!" It's been fun to
watch her try and understand who Jesus is as she grows. When she's
been good, sometimes she'll say, "And that makes Jesus happy mom!"
or, "It makes my heart sad that Jesus died on the cross and got
pokies." Other days she'll say "I love all the princesses God
made!" or try to tell me which princess is Jesus' favorite one.
But she is learning, and it's exciting to see.



To my Aunt Jan, August 2006

As for our family, yes, the boys are changing every day! Even before my very eyes! I cherish every moment I get to hold them or every time their little hand reaches for mine, knowing that I will wake up one day soon and they'll be men, with wives and families of their own. They are so much fun - laughing and teasing, learning to share and hug, racing cars around the house, shooting hoops outside, and developing such personalities and preferences. I never thought that raising little boys would be so much fun, but I'm having an absolute blast! And Kylee is a great older sister - she loves to help me (makes her feel more grown up I think) so any favor I ask of her she is eager to do. She's also very loving and playful with the boys. She's been a bit "experiemental" lately, however, and I now have holes cut in my drapes, the experience of scrubbing off permanent, black sharpie marker from every exposed inch of her body, digging crayons out of the toaster and other such naughty things. I hope this stage passes quickly. :o) The camping went really well! The kids were really good - played well, slept well, obeyed well, etc. Kylee loved having her friends there to play with and the boys were happy to tromp through the woods or follow along with the older kids. It's fun to see them enjoying the outdoors! The boys have been sleeping well since about January now, so Jim and I are thoroughly enjoying a full night's rest!


To my Mom-in-law, Laurie, August 2006

Jim got back safe and sound last evening, much to the delight of his wife and kids!! :o) They cried when he left for work today and Cole keeps going to the phone crying, "Daddy... Daddy... talk.... Daddy!" While Jim was away Kylee slept in his t-shirt and socks. It was precious. All the kids have come down with bad colds and Jim is starting to show symptoms too - we'll try and get over them before you guys arrive!! Just less than a week. I tried to give Kylee medicine for her cold and she said, "No thanks, mom, God will make me better!" "Yes," I replied, "He will and He gave us medicine to help you get better too!" "But look, mommy! He's right here, on my nose, making my cold better already!" You just can't help but to be touched by that childlike faith. To her, God is everywhere and will always protect her. I'm so glad she know that and believes it with her heart. Just last night she wanted to get something from the sunroom, but it was dark in there. "Can you turn the light on, mom?" she asked. "Honey, you'll be fine. Just run in there and get what you need." "Ok, God will protect me. God? You in here? OK!" And proceeded to go in and get what she wanted. I love it.. and I thought you would too.


To Jan Anderson, September 2006

When we were driving to church today I asked her how Kylee was feeling as all my kids have a bit of a cough/cold going on (the boys stayed home w/ Jim... they were a bit worse than Ky). She said, "God's making me much better, mommy, but He's getting wet!" "Wet?!?! How is that, Ky?" "Well, He's in my mouth working on my throat to take my cough away, so He's getting wet!" Definitely a "funny book" entry! She also told me out of the blue this week, "I love you all the way to California!" We have often said, "I love you all the way to the moon and back!" But to Ky, California (where her grandparents and the Disney princesses both live) seemed even further away than the moon! :o) She also asked my friend who was breast feeding her infant son whether she had milk or juice in there. She keeps us laughing every day! Yesterday we spent all day doing yard work. After a hard day's work especially for daddy, we had a terrible rain/wind storm in the early evening hours. Ky was full of compassion for her daddy who she'd seen work so hard and yelled at the naughty, bad trees for dropping all their leaves! Alright, I could tell story after story on that girl, but I'll stop there. She and the boys all are such a blast. I am so very blessed to have them!


To a friend in Oregon, March 2007

Our family is .... busy. What else is a young mom to say?? Kylee just turned 4 and is a little fireball. She's got a lot of tenderness and compassion in her, and she does really well in Sunday school and with others, but at home with us, she's been a bit of a challenge. She certainly has her opinion about things and likes things done her way. There's a lot of leadership qualities in her, which are a bit harder to appreciate when neither mommy or daddy are leaders. We're trying hard to "channel" her passions in the right direction, but some days I feel that I discipline all day long. The boys are awesome!! They are a lot of fun and I have loved seeing the world through the eyes of little boys! Kaden is the easy going, even tempered one and is obsessed with playing basketball, as well as watching it on ESPN. Colson is a bit more dramatic, but loves to help and is very sensitive towards others. Both the boys could play sports all day long.