Motherhood

I never understood how complex the role of "mom" was until I became one. I pictured lots of laughter, giggles, bedtime stories, fun and activity. I thought discipline would be black and white. I thought I would feel love and joy towards my children at all times. My idealistic view of parenthood was shattered when my daughter was born and was colicky and frequently unconsolable. She also refused to sleep through the night until she was 18 mo. old. I remember calling Jim at work in tears saying, "She's been crying for over an hour now! Hurry home, I don't know how much more crying I can take!" When she started deliberately disobeying with that mischeivious grin on her face, I tried to convince Jim that she couldn't possibly know what she was doing and maybe we should wait to discipline. Hmmm. I did get lots of hugs, giggles, tickle fights and stories in, but also came the "No I don't want to" and "I do it myself!" When my boys entered our lives just 21 months after our daughter, I was so tired and bored (stuck inside with 2 preemies in the middle of a cold Wisconsin winter) that I reverted to videos so much more than I thought was healthy. I've had my share of crayons in the toaster, kids in the fireplace, kids covered in permanent sharpie marker, holes cut in the drapes, embarrassing comments made in public, days when we ran out of diapers (the boys spent that day duck taped in towels until daddy could pick up diapers) as well as 3 months of sleepless nights when our boys had constant ear infections. I've lost my patience more times than I can count and have had to apologize to my children numerous times.

My ideal view of motherhood has been replaced with a much more realistic view, though I know there is still much to be learned. Some days I fight battles and put out fires all day long. Some days we get to play hard and rarely have conflict. Regardless of the day, I want to teach my children to love God and follow His ways. I want them to learn right and wrong. I want to them to become kind, loving individuals with hearts to serve others. And it humbles me to think that God has entrusted me (along with Jim, of course) to this incredible responsibility. I am so thankful that God can still use me in His work when I feel so inadequate and fail so often. By His grace alone will my children become all I hope and pray that they will be. Although I know there is a lot of work and heartache ahead of us, I look forward to watching my precious ones grow and develop in to the individuals God has created them to be. And in the process, I know God will change and grow me as well into more of what He desires me to be.

"I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will give you mighty inner strength through his Holy Spirit. And I pray that Christ will be more and more at home in your hearts as you trust in him." Ephesians 3:16