a refining love

It's not always easy.

It is certainly more fun to write about the joyous, momentous, deep and silly moments in this adventure with 7 kids, as there are many, but there are also many other less-than-stellar moments in between.

Loving kids with hard and broken pasts is challenging... and rewarding.

Bringing kids into your home with different cultures, routines, expectations, personalities, word choices and dietary habits can provoke much conflict.  But it can also promote understanding, compassion and many opportunities for teaching and practicing resolution... and love.

And, if I'm honest, even the "loving" doesn't always come easily and naturally.  It's hard to feel love when rough and reckless ways lead to destruction; when faced with tongues stuck out and defiant opposition; when manipulation and sneaky behavior ensues; when the food you've worked hard to get on the table is met with, "ugh, dis naaaasty!"; when demands are made constantly because polite words/questions have never been taught; when nap-time battles keep you from having even a second to think without distraction; when the new little ones declare, "this mine!" to things known to be treasures to your other kids; when one tries constantly to command all your attention, knowing that there are others who need or desire it at that time.

Such moments cause my very sinful self to rear it's ugly head and I have to carefully mask the frustration I feel inside. Sometimes I must bite my tongue so it does not speak words that need not be said.  Often times I'm forced to inhale rather deeply and slowly, contemplating the next words and actions that should take place, or to plead with Jesus to give me the love for this child that I need to have.

Loving in this manner ushers in a refining love.  My impurities and inadequacies are exposed, my desire for comfort and ease is displayed and my inability to love unconditionally is apparent.  It brings me to my Fathers feet, asking Him to remove all that is unloving and selfish within me so that I can love these children with a pure and Christlike love... a love that will not count the cost, a love that does not seek convenience, a love that is selfless and sacrificial, a love that is steadfast.

Because HE is worth it.  And He reminds me that loving them is so very worth it.

Because there are countless smiles and contagious belly laughs, tickle fights and cuddling, silly faces and endless games; there is good behavior being learned and pride found when doing so; there is security being established in being loved no matter what and such comfort in feeling safe without risk of being harmed; love is being expressed and received; a desire for prayer and singing praises has sprouted; a love for bedtime routines has been embraced; they've been told about a God who takes great delight in them because He made them in a wonderful way for His purpose.  Amidst the many challenges, there is such immense joy on this journey in seeing these precious little ones grow, change, learn and develop as they are loved.

Like little diamonds in the rough.
Like gold and silver refined by fire.... in their life and mine.