nothing less

It was one of those afternoons and evenings where she constantly demanded my attention.  She made many attempts to pull me away from the other kids, or get in the way of me giving them attention or enjoying them.  Her efforts were incessant.

It was night 4 of going solo, as hubby was traveling for work.  I was frustrated, annoyed, exhausted.  My patience was running low and bedtime couldn't come soon enough.  I forced a smile that didn't quite reach my eyes and stated firmly, "B, I love you, but you cannot have me to yourself all night long.  The other kids need me too."  My kids...

I hate to admit that thought even comes to mind on occasion, but it does.  Our own children choose to share their mom and dad when they agree to open our home and family to children in need, and I love that about them.  It is a sacrifice they are willing to make, one that I might be more aware of than they are.  We try to be so very intentional about how much attention each child receives, and it can be challenging when there is an attention vacuum in the bunch.

When bedtime finally arrived, I started the routine that can take quite awhile... first the 2 little girls, then J.  Next, came her turn.  In all honesty, I felt like she had enough of me throughout the day and I was eager to get her tucked in, prayed with and sung to so that I could get back down stairs and enjoy some time with the 3 older kids.  That is the painful truth of where my heart was at.  But she was in no hurry whatsoever... of course.

She had questions that needed answering.

She had fears that needed to be addressed.

She had emotions that needed to be comforted.

It may not have been what I wanted to be doing in that moment, but I did.  I forced myself to practice the patience that I wasn't feeling.  Then, she threw her arms tightly around my neck, pulled me close and whispered, "I love you!"  My heart was pierced and I was humbled. Though I may not be her mama for life, at this time I am the only mama she has.

While her own mom has chosen for this time not to be involved with her children, I'm the one B's got.  I cannot imagine what that must feel like in her little mind.  God used the moment to soften me once again and to remind my wandering heart to be as committed and devoted to this little one as I am to "my own"... each one a gift on loan to me only for a time.  She is God's little girl, full of value with a desire to be loved and adored... and she deserves nothing less.