captured completely

I tried my hardest, really I did. I reminded myself many a times that this baby girl would some day leave us. I forced myself to relive the emotions of taking our boy home after 18 months of being his mama. I tried to convince myself that because I had loved and let go already that it would be easier to guard my heart this time around. But, my heart somehow missed out on all the hard work my mind was doing.

A tiny little girl was placed in my arms and I was asked to protect and provide for her. I was told to cuddle, love and adore this child as I nursed her back to health. I have been intentional about teaching this sweetie to need, to be comforted, to attach and bond and trust. She is a quick learner.

Apparently, so am I. As this baby learned to seek comfort and security in my arms and curl up her tiny body against my own, I also became deeply attached and bonded to this precious little girl. My heart doors flew wide open, pulling her inside and creating for her a forever home. I know I shouldn't... but I don't know how not to. I know that, most likely, there will be a day when the doors of my heart are unwillingly pried open and I will be forced to let go. My heart will, once again, be shattered. My only hope to which I cling is that I am a child of God, the greatest Comforter of all. He knows the kind of heart He gave me and, yet, He called us to care for this child. I must trust in Him completely, knowing He carries my heart.

For now, my heart is captured completely by the tiny girl He has asked us to love.