Wow! Four years has flown by! I remember so well the day we found out we were pregnant with our little miss. She was a bit of a surprise, but the moment I knew she was growing inside we totally embraced the idea and prepared for her arrival with great excitement and anticipation. She came on March 7th after 12 hours of an induced but uncomplicated labor. I remember holding her for the first time, saying over and over again how beautiful she was and how shocked I was that she was here and was ours. She certainly rattled our nerves with her incessant crying and refusal to sleep for those first several months, but nevertheless we looked on her with absolute love and adoration. We were so proud and felt so blessed to have her.
Four years later she's an opinionated, adventurous and vivacious 4 year old that has her mind made up about what she likes, doesn't like and how she wants things done. She is a bright girl that likes to negotiate, mother her brothers and other little friends, chase butterflies and birds around the yard, plan fun activities for each day, and help mommy get things done around the house. She loves to learn letters and how to write words. She loves to draw and paint. She loves to swim, holding her breath and her nose underwater and kicking her little feet behind her. She loves to make up games, dress up like a princess and play tea party with friends. She loves to read books and her Bible (which she religiously brings to church with her every Sunday on her own initiative), loves to tell us how much she loves us, as well as be cuddled, tickled and smothered in kisses. Mixed into all that personality and strong will is a child with a heart of gold - who is sensitive and compassionate towards others and their needs. Oh how I love her!
Just last night I realized how fast my little girl is growing up. I was taking her school shopping. Yes, she's only 4, but here in the Midwest the school system includes 4K, basically 4 year old kindergarten. So, with misty eyes I've been filling out all the paperwork to register her for school, school pictures and the school directory, writing in a "meet the teacher" date on my calendar, making the "school supply" list, and other such school starting activities. And never mind the fact that my daughter has been begging me to go to school since she was not yet 3, I AM NOT READY! I want to hold on longer, and watch her grow, learn and develop under my own roof for another year or more. I want to be the one teaching her and encouraging her, not dropping her off to be taught by others. Who will make sure she's acting loving and kind towards others? Or that others are being kind to her?
So, as I watched my little girl try on different outfits last night and twirl around in the department store mirror, I bit my bottom lip and fought back tears. "Mom, what's wrong?" Kylee asked. That girl never misses a thing. "I'm just having a hard time thinking about you going off to school." She then crossed her arms in front of her and looked up at me and said, "Mommy, you gotta let me go!"
And she's right. She's not mine alone, but God's, on loan to me for whatever time He's given us together. I must trust that, especially in those few hours of the day she's at school, He's looking out for her and protecting her. I must hope and pray that we have taught her right and wrong, respect for authority, how to stand up for herself, but also to be humble, loving and caring towards others. I hope that without mommy's reminders and guidance that she will choose what is right and good... at least for those couple hours a day when she's on her own. And I pray also for me, that somehow, someday I will be able to "let her go".
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